The Morning After
The morning after a night out is always a time to reflect and muse over the people I met and their stories. This morning is no different in that regard. What is different about this morning is that my musings are not about sexy naked people and skin on skin contact but more confusion and a little irritation at what goes through some people’s heads.
Last night was one of those nights when everyone is new and no body seemed to want to talk or socialise that much. Well at least not with us. We did meet a lovely couple and some sexy fun was had but as usual you have to work your way through the chaff to find the good grain. In this instance the chaff was a couple who presented as new, married for 25 years and seemingly very nervous. Pretty stock standard until asked what they were looking for. Their reply was a little confusing,
“I am just here to look after him.” Said by Mrs 25 year marraige.
A bit of a weird response. It made a lot more sense as the conversation progressed and we learned that they had indeed been married for 25 years but were in the process of a ‘conscious uncoupling‘. Yes that is a weird concept but really it is the only way I could rationalise a couple who were in their minds separated but sitting in a swinger’s club seeking a sexual experience together.
Well of course there was more to it than that. She had found a ‘new partner’ and now out of some weird sense of duty or compassion she was now at a swinger’s club with her soon to be ex husband trying to get him a shag. Because of course she didn’t want to shag him so there would surely be some unsuspecting swinger woman around who would do the job.
This was a lot to process and my poker face failed me. They asked if I was shocked. The answer to the question was probably yes although I was trying to be supportive and positive and so of course I said no. Everyone’s relationship was different. Essentially I was just trying to process what I had just been told. Once some of the processing had come to pass I started to get annoyed. Even this morning processing is still happening and my irritation at these people’s misconceptions and disrespect for other relationships is growing.
My irritation is on so many different levels it is hard to express coherently. I did manage to express some of my concerns before we parted company with these people. I told Mrs 25 year marraige that if her husband was here just because he thought it was an easy place to get sex and he wasn’t actually interested in being part of our lifestyle then he was showing a massive disrespect for what we were about. I would have told Mr 25 year marraige the same thing but he was incapable of focussing on a conversation. At least with me.
So we have a socially inept guy who was basically perving as much as he possibly could and waiting around for his ex wife who gave up her Saturday night to fulfil a promise made in a dead marraige to get him some sex. I started to have a very clear picture of why he was having trouble getting laid. I was also certain that I WASN’T going to be the one to shag him.
But what got me really going was the complete lack of consideration of both of these people. Swinging is a big deal. For many couples it is incredibly challenging and it often takes months or years to get the courage to take that first step to invite other people into their most private of spaces, their bedroom. Consensual sex outside a marraige goes against the grain of our culture so strongly that swinging is never portrayed in mainstream media in a positive light, ever. And here were two people invading the space of this lifestyle and selfishly, thoughtlessly expecting that they would be able to put tab B into slot A as it suited them. Relevant questions like “what are you looking for?” And “do you intend to be part of this lifestyle on an ongoing basis?” Were greeted with blank looks like I had just asked them did they want a second head.
Seriously! Words fail me. This is the problem with a lot of singles in the scene, especially males. The traditional definition for swinging is ‘wife swapping’ it happens between COUPLES. The reason why so many couples are cautious about singles is that many of them have almost zero respect for the relationship of the couple. In this case it went even further. These guys seemed to think that not only were our relationships weird and irrelevant, but as people we were just there to be used as their personal play things. Their idea of coming to a swing club to get sex for Mr did not take into account that the women that he was seeking came as part of a package and he needed to ensure that the whole package was on board with what was happening. If this guy needed sex that badly and was completely incapable of getting it through regular channels then perhaps he should be looking up brothels.
I could rant for hours about the idiocy of these people but I am sure you all get the point. Take home message for me from that evening; social awkwardness is not always a sign that a person is misunderstood. Sometimes a person is socially awkward because he or she is a genuine arsehole.