Life – Corrupting Mrs Jones

When Life Hands You Lemons

A couple of months ago. I received a notification from Twitter telling me that my profile image violated their terms of use. I complied with their instructions and changed the offending image. I found it a little ironic that the image that was so offensive was so tame compared to some of the ones that I have seen in my timeline. As I was venting about it to The Unicorn she informed me that trigger of these events was likely being reported by someone. That Twitter as an organisation wouldn’t normally identify an offending image and take action. I would concur as the image had been in place for possibly years with no issues. In a fit of defiance I posted an image from the #travellingboob series.

It was a foolish decision made without any adult consideration. I knew it wasn’t compliant but like a teenager I didn’t stop to consider the consequences. Things went well for a couple of weeks but of course it was only a matter of time. And then I was in Twitter jail again. Despite all of my ranting and frustration at communicating with Bots and their automated system they were the ones with the power. And I was a small person who didn’t matter to them.

And so my account is suspended. Which is frustrating. Frustrating because their response to my question; “Does that mean I can’t re-open this account ever?” Was “your account has been suspended and will not be reactivated?” They haven’t deleted the account. I can’t delete the account so it sits there in suspended animation with the offending profile image on display. Maybe one day it will come back to life. In the meantime I am left to take stock.

I regret being impulsive because it has affected traffic to my blog. Something I didn’t stop to consider properly. I have lost contact with a few people who I kind of wish I didn’t, also something I didn’t stop to consider properly. My perception of social media has changed a little during this process. I used to think it was a piece of fluff that we used to fill our time. And it is. But it is also something else. A tool for connecting to people. It would be easy to think that one platform can be replaced by another but that is not so. They are all different. They don’t serve the same purpose. And if the community you are connected to all use a particular platform you are kind of forced to use it too.

And so here I sit. Taking stock of what I am doing with the blog, with my writing. I have always said that I only blogged for my own purposes and wouldn’t be driven by traffic. That is still true, up to a point, but it feels pointless putting words out into thin air. There has to be some kind of function to my writing. I need to feel that there is someone getting pleasure from my words. Ultimately it would be amazing if people liked it enough to give me money for my words but finding those people and providing words worth money is something I am not sure I have the wherewithal to do.

As a step towards finding paying customers I opened a Medium account. I haven’t posted there yet but as part of this ‘taking stock” process I am getting some pieces ready. I am not abandoning Corrupting Mrs Jones as I only really want to post fiction on Medium. So you will all still be subjected to my rambling thoughts. I started this year determined to keep up a sustained presence on Corrupting Mrs Jones. I have achieved that goal and for a while the traffic reflected that. Until my nipples got in the way. What it has shown me is that I am OK as a writer. I just need to be a bit more focussed. In the wash-up I regret being impulsive but I think it has given me the nudge I needed. As they say, onwards and upwards.

Choosing the Red Pill

As many of you will know Mr Jones and myself have spent the last six months sailing a yacht up and down the Queensland coast. While I was alway I was asked by a friend to make a video explaining what I thought it meant to be alive as part of a project she was working on to celebrate the anniversary of a person very close to her. I was unsure of what to do but as I was sitting on the outer Barrier Reef watching the sunrise I made a completely off the cuff video. Sitting on a yacht rocking in the ocean after a bad night’s sleep I had a realisation that being alive was not all about joy and happiness. The anxiety and fear that made up a lot of my voyage was part of being alive. Here I was living in a way that many people never get the chance to. My environment was the ocean, the creatures that live in and on it. Everything was pure and a lot of the issues that take up so much of our emotional energy every day were background noise.

As my journey came to an end I was asked by many people “How are you going to cope with the real world?” I began to reject the idea that where they were was the real world. I became even more connected to sunrises and sunsets and habitually took the time to really see what I was surrounded by. Most people cannot comprehend this lifestyle. Many people imagined that I was experiencing what they experience on their two week resort vacation over an extended period of time. The reality, my reality, was very different. There was sunset drinks most days. They didn’t come with a fancy umbrella but rather in an ordinary insulated cup. We ate but it was food similar to every day home made food with no frills. In fact it was one of the best diets I have ever encountered. I lost 10 kilos while still having some chocolate and at least one drink every day. I never felt as if I was missing out.

There were a lot of times, especially in the beginning where I was anxious. Being away from the things that make up your every day life is like standing naked in front of a crowd. All of the creature comforts of every day life were stripped away and I was exposed in front of the ocean and nature. The ocean wasn’t always calm and stunning shades of blue. Sometimes it was grey and confused. The wind wasn’t always a gentle breeze. Sometimes it was strong and came thundering down valleys in gusts that pushed us around on our anchor. Sometimes we spent nights awake and fretting about being pushed onto a reef or some rocks. It was in these moments that, despite my fear, I became alive. Not happy and drugged with creature comforts and stimulation of the internet but living and feeling the real world.

I was introduced to the pop culture reference to “blue pill thinking” by Mike at Marriage Sex and More. Mike uses this term to refer to many male ideas about accepting a bad marriage as the way of the world and using this acceptance as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for their situation and taking steps to change it but the wider idea of the ‘blue pill’ is about becoming immersed in these creature comforts and accepting the chains of employment and adult responsibilities of mortgages and acquiring stuff as a necessary part of life. Rejecting this thinking is part of the cruising life. To make this voyage I took unpaid leave from my job. I risked going back to work after everyone had been there without me for six months. We risked missing moments with our family but we were free. There was no employer or bank dictating where we went or what we did. All of the consequences of our choices were on us and we were free. Living in the red pill world.

In the past Mr Jones and I took three months to take our children in a caravan to some remote and very iconic parts of Australia. The journey required similar risks. Leaving our house and business in the hands of others, leaving jobs and living in a no frills way. We met many other families doing the same thing. What we all had in common was choices that we made that involved risk and going against the grain. After our return many of our friends were amazed by our journey and several of them expressed the desire to take on a similar journey “when the time is right”

For people like this often the time is never right. There is never a perfect time to undertake a journey. That is part of rejecting the blue pill. There are always people to leave behind, always a job or some financial commitment to fulfil. There is always the feeling that something that matters will be somehow incomplete or not right. Sure I could argue that leaving my job for six months left me exposed to someone undermining me. Leaving my eighteen year old daughter to fend for herself was irresponsible parenting. But these things are not insurmountable. The universe works how it works and when I am on my death bed the thing I will hold in my heart will be sunsets and connection to country, not a million mundane moments of getting ready for work and making dinner.

So what is real? That routine stuff, driving to work, dealing with traffic, paying bills. That is just white noise. Reality is the spinning of the Earth and watching the sun go down with a drink in your hand.

Money, Money, Money

1. What is the most expensive thing you have purchased that was not worth the price?

I bought a pair of shoes last week. I still am not in the habit of doing regular land based things so I didn’t check the price before deciding to buy them. Not sure what was happening there but when the sales assistant rang up the price it was higher than I would have considered reasonable at the time. I didn’t have the brain space to argue so I just paid and walked out the shop. They are leather shoes and I will wear them a lot so I am just telling myself that is enough to justify the price.

2. Has money ever ruined a relationship for you?

Not really. Money is something that I use and I am relatively careful with but it isn’t something that drives life decisions for me. I haven’t had a relationship that was dictated by money issues ever so I guess I am lucky.

3. What is a cheap thing you own that just makes you SO happy?

The cardigan I am wearing as I type this. I got it from the sale rack. It was damaged but it is so soft and cuddly. I love wearing it.

4. What is the most toxic quality about you?

I have inherited some of my mother’s passive aggressive tendencies. I am relatively skilled at inducing guilt in the people who care about me. I am super conscious about not turning into her so I try really hard but it slips out sometimes.

5. Why do you not like to talk about money?

Because for many people seeing someone with something they don’t have but think they want causes them to be jealous and negative. I don’t want to be judged or thought of as a snob.

When we purchased our yacht the question a lot of my teacher friends asked was “How much did it cost?” I could hear the unspoken question of “How did you afford that?” as they asked. I never told anyone how much it was. My standard response was “Enough”. Most people were happy to leave it at that. I didn’t want to advertise to my colleagues that I work primarily for reasons other than to pay my bills.

Bonus: What is the craziest thing you have done for love?

Bought a boat that cost the same as a house, took unpaid leave from my job and spent six months sailing the Queensland coast. I got a lot out of it and it changed me for life but ultimately this voyage was about me compromising with Mr Jones.

TMI Tuesday – Take us to Your Leader

1. In what way is creativity just like sex?

There is a concept phase, a working phase and a climax with a period of basking in the delight of what you have just done. However I don’t think that creativity is like sex, it is more a part of good sex. Without creativity sex is possible but the result is very meh. Kind of like the way McDonalds burgers are food.

2. What important successes have you had in life that people just don’t know about?

Well most people in my Gemma life know very little about one of my big life achievements, raising two humans.

Most people in my Mrs Jones life don’t know about my blog / writing. I have published a novella (a long time ago) and I have written quite a body of work on these pages which a lot of people seem to enjoy. For me that is an achievement.

3. What do you like more being a leader or a follower?

In a previous job the company would send all of their front line managers to these leadership bonding / development camps. During one activity the facilitator had to pull out all of his tricks and stops to keep me in line and foil the success of the group. Apparently I automatically get people to where they need to be. Which would make me a leader.

I wouldn’t say I like being a leader all of the time. But I really hate being designated a follower when the designated leader is an idiot.

4. If you could send a message to an alien species, what would it be?

Send another virus. Covid-19 is not killing the stupid people fast enough.

5. Have you ever been happy that you lied?

No. I make a point of trying to keep lying to a minimum in my life. Although sometimes I slip up. I am never happy about it though.

Bonus: What can you do that no one else can?

Mr Jones says that I can fuck a string of guys like no one else he knows. Not sure if that is something I feel good about. For myself I am going to say that I am awesome at coming up with out of the box ideas to solve problems.

TMI Tuesday – Long Showers and Lasagne

1. Shower or bath?

Water was an issue when I was a child. We lived on a farm and relied on rainwater and a bore for our water so long showers and deep baths were totally out of the question. That has imprinted on me. To this day I cannot do long showers or deep baths. I do treat myself to a long bath but probably only about once a month and I feel guilty about it almost every time. .

As an aside living on the yacht means VERY short showers. That means when we hit a marina a good long shower is one of the top priorities.

2. Are you a good cook? And if so, what’s your specialty?

I consider myself to be a good cook. Although I would qualify that by saying I am a good basic cook. I am excellent at putting together balanced meals from the vegetables in the fridge with minimal fuss. I don’t do elaborate meals with fancy garnishes, but the food that comes out of my kitchen will nourish you. The dish I cook that gets the whole family going is lasagna. True to form it comes complete with hidden vegetables but this removes the need for a side salad.

3. Is there anything you regret not doing?

Not really. My wedding is a big regret in my life because I let my mother control it far too much. I don’t know how I wanted it exactly which is probably why she was able to take control. But I look at weddings of friends and I am envious that they have their dream day while I feel like I had her day.

4. Who was the nicest person you worked for?

My current Mathematics Academic Leader is one of the most amazing generous patient people I have ever met. Even when he is correcting you it feels like a hug.

5. Do you play an instrument?

Presently I would say no. As a child I learned the piano and was reasonably proficient. These days I have so many other things in my life I don’t have the discipline to practice enough to restore the skill.

Bonus: Do you dream?

In vivid technicolor yes. About all sorts of things. Including sex dreams about men that are taboo.

Raising a Unicorn

When May tweeted this 4Thoughts prompt I was chuffed that she thought I would have something valuable to add. I don’t consider myself a kinkster per se but some friends have convinced me recently that the delineation between kink and swinging is old fashioned and not valid. If it isn’t vanilla it is kink. Bearing that in mind my kink is non-monogamy with some other sprinkles added when the mood takes me. Mr Jones and I have been non-monogamous for more than ten years. I would consider us successful so logically it would seem we are in a good position to give advice.

Not really. Well, maybe, if a specific person asked a specific question about their specific set of circumstances, then we might chat with them but general advice for people starting out? It is too broad. There are too many variables. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to write something profound and life changing but it all just came out sounding like I was a mother giving a lecture to her child. Besides there are any number of websites, podcasts, blogs, videos and other sources of information out there. Who am I to add more to that?

Something that HAS happened that I feel is a bit more unique is my experience as a parent. I want to preface the next five hundred words or so by saying that I am not a parenting expert. I am just telling my story.

Mr Jones and I have never shoved our lifestyle in our children’s faces but we have not hidden it either. For most of their teenage lives they have been aware at some level that some of our friends are more than just dinner and games night companions. As they got older that level of knowledge got deeper. Gemma Jones has been an identity in our household since we named a boat after her about eight years ago. No questions were asked that couldn’t be answered honestly and matter of factly. Assumptions were probably made but I did my best to make sure there were no completely wild ones.

#1 Son is reserved. He doesn’t do public nudity (unlike the rest of us), he doesn’t discuss his sex life and from what I have observed said sex life is fairly vanilla. Or rather, like most late teenage / early twenties males, any sex is better than none. The Unicorn however is completely different. She is much more open and as she grows up our relationship is morphing into more of a friendship. An example of these changes is a recent facetime conversation during which she modelled her new bra and harness set. I must say I am slightly envious that she has better play clothing than me.

You read that right, play clothing. A couple of weeks before we departed on our voyage, she revealed that she is embarking on an exploratory journey into kink. My brain exploded. With the assistance of the internet, she found a man to help her with this exploration. He is considerably older than her and five months later I have not met him. At the time I was worried. She identifies as a submissive. I KNOW from experience that many men professing to be dominants are complete twats. And that is putting it politely. My parent brain went completely off the rails thinking about how a man like that would deal with a young, naïve, and inexperienced girl taking her first steps into kink at the same time as she takes her first steps into sex in general.

Over the years I have not shied away from talking about sex with my children. I have answered their questions and I have done my best to make sure they are informed. I have explicitly lectured #1 Son about the complications of fathering children with women who are probably not going to be long term partners. I have berated him about taking responsibility for his fertility and being careful about where he sticks his penis. I have made sure The Unicorn is aware of similar issues. Her openness allowed me to see that she seeks information and takes advice on board. I am confident that both of them are sure of themselves as people and while they will undoubtedly have relationships with people who are not right for them, they will navigate sex in general quite safely.

But kink? This was not something I never thought I would have to consider. I was well into my thirties before I thought about anything non-vanilla. I was grown up enough to get my own information and parental supervision was a very long way behind me. I had a husband to be my safety monitor, I wasn’t navigating this world as a single person. There is nothing in the parenting manuals that could prepare me for this one.

In then end the only thing I could really advise about is safety. All I could do was share my own experiences and express my concerns. She is too old for me to ban her exploration or ground her to prevent her from going out. It is irrelevant if I think it is a good idea or not really. My feelings about its suitability will not change her path. She is going to do what she is going to do. If I make too much fuss, then she will simply hide that part of her life from me, and I will have no input.

I reached out to other kinksters that I knew and talked to them about what was happening. For the most part they were reassuring. Those that had met my child assured me that she was a sensible being and is unlikely to get into a situation that is too out of control. They recognised my worry and reassured me that I had done all I could. Mr Jones is being careful not to say the wrong thing. He isn’t entirely happy about this, but he knows that opposing the situation won’t prevent it. Rather it will just mean he will no longer be able to talk to her about it.

The process is ongoing. Since April I have been absent from home. The Unicorn has gotten used to being able to have people over in relative privacy. Our voyage is coming to an end. We will be moving back into our house in four weeks’ time. The next few months will mean adjustments for all of us. Mr Jones and I will have to wear pants more often, The Unicorn and #1 Son will have to consider who they bring home and what they do with those people because the parents might be around. I will meet some of the new friends. That will be interesting. I am guessing meeting and interacting with parents who are also part of their world is something a lot of them have had to deal with. There are going to be some adjustments.

So that is my story. Do I have advice for any parents in the same situation? Not really. I will not presume to tell anyone how to raise their child. But I do believe that sharing stories and experiences can be a great way to gain insight. So, I hope by sharing I have given someone somewhere something.

Dead White Man’s Clothes

The Unicorn and I have a philosophy relating to our crafting / textile / sewing obsession. We call it “out of the closet”. Essentially it is about looking in the cupboard for what is already there. Often when starting a project or working on an idea it is tempting to head for the nearest fabric / craft superstore and purchase everything you need (want really) to make the creation in your head. The reality is that most crafters have a mountain of supplies already squirrelled away that they often don’t ever access. So we make ourselves look in the closet and pull out the fabric we have sitting there to make that dress or use the beads we already own to make new jewelry.

When I saw this prompt for Wicked Wednesday I wanted to write about the minimalism I have been living on the yacht for the last few months. I even prepared a whole post then I saw this news story on a Facebook group I am part of.

The whole story made me feel sick. I have spent the last five months living on the ocean. There have been times when I have collected armfuls of plastic waste that has washed up on beaches. It makes me so sad to see this and know it is a result of our excessive consumption and obsession with convenience.

I read somewhere once that the best way to diet is to cook all of your food from scratch. If you had to go through the ridiculously long process of making the perfect fries you would rarely eat them. Believe me, making fries at home is HARD. Making pizza at home is delicious and worth the effort but it is time consuming. The same applies to textiles. That chunky knit that is so chic? If you had to take the twenty or so hours to create it from a ball of yarn yourself you would wear it more than a few times. That is not taking into consideration the time it would take to spin the yarn from the fleece. There are people who do that.

I have a few garments I have made myself that I wear to work. I always get complimented on them. Because they are different from what you buy in the fashion stores, because they fit me well and because people know I made them. Were they easy and did they come together in the same time it would take to impulse buy something from the sale rack? No way. Do I have more respect for them because they are from my hand? One hundred percent. Will I wear them until they are no longer wearable? Most likely.

The Unicorn modelling a dress I made for her. I have another one made from the same fabric in a different style.

I made a statement to Mr Jones recently that I believe that if we stopped manufacturing textiles tomorrow there would be enough clothing already in existence to keep the world population covered for decades. If every crafter emptied their stash and used what they had they would have enough projects to keep them going until they die.

Need

STOP

Buying

STUFF!

A couple of years ago a group of friends and I went on a ‘fashion diet’. The diet was essentially a ban from shopping at mainstream and on-line shops. The only acceptable ways to obtain clothing were as follows;

Op shops or second hand shopping
Independent, market stall shops
Swaps with friends
Make it yourself

Underwear and socks were not included in the rules. I think at one stage we bent them slightly to get shoes exempted. I won’t say I succeeded with flying colours but it did make me think every time I looked at clothing “Do I need this? Is there something I already have that I could wear instead?” So even though I didn’t follow the rules all the time it worked. After writing this post I am resolving to implement these rules more into my every day life. It won’t be easy but I think it is necessary.

TMI Tuesday – The Dating Game

1. What did you do on your very first date?

That was such a long time ago. My high school years were spent at boarding school. My parents were very conservative and my mother was extremely controlling. I pretty much didn’t have a social life that went outside of school. I did manage to meet up with some boys at McDonalds from time to time. I guess that counts doesn’t it?

2. Which gift would you like to receive most from your significant other:
a. $10,000 Diamond
b. $10,000 vacation
c. $5000 in cash

I am currently on a vacation which in real terms probably cost in excess of $10 000 and our cash is completely merged so Mr Jones giving me a cash gift is kind of moot. A $10 000 diamond would be kind of nice but I feel that all of these gifts are a bit of a cop out. I would rather something that he put some thought into. Something very personal that he remembered me admiring but not really asking for. In all honesty that probably won’t happen but the fantasy is nice.

3. Fill in the blank:
The day I get/got married _____ .

My wedding was dominated by a very controlling parent. Most of the guests at my wedding were their friends and people they felt obliged to invite. My mother made my dress, I was allowed some input but in all honesty it was all about her. The one thing I remember was deciding on the morning of the wedding that I was going to enjoy myself regardless of what other people wanted. And I did.

If I had it over again it would be different and I don’t even know if I would invite her.

4. What is the first thing your significant other notices about someone attractive walking down the street?

I don’t think Mr Jones has a feature that he specifically looks at. It is more about the overall package. He does have a preference for blondes though.

5. Which adjective category best describes you?
a. Sophisticated
b. Down home, down to earth
c. Sensuous

I am going with b. I consider myself to be pretty low maintenance. Most people I know tell me I am very straight forward and tell it like it is.

Bonus: What is the worst thing you or someone could eat in bed?

Toast. You can never get the crumbs out.

TMI Tuesday – Saturday Sex Hangover Edition

It has been a week. The wind and the seas have not been kind to us and we are now holed up in a marina waiting for the wind to drop. A few weeks ago I sent some possible questions to TMI Tuesday. I didn’t realise they were this weeks questions until I was catching up on my blog reading. So given they are my questions (at least in part) I thought I should give them some air time. A chance message yesterday led to a long sex session so my words may ramble a little today as my thinking is a little skewed.

1. What are your thoughts on public nudity or skimpy clothing?

This is a complex question for me. My stupid Catholic childhood conditioning still pokes its head up from time to time and makes me pass judgement on girls wearing shorts that show their arse cheeks and display their bodies in a sexual way. Then I find myself walking around my yacht nude without a care for the people who can see me.

Our bodies are all beautiful. Being nude in nature, such as at the beach or outdoors is part of the beauty and freedom of those places. Being nude at home is personal choice. No one should judge you for how you dress in your own home. If they don’t like what you are wearing or doing they shouldn’t be looking.

Social conventions state that when in public company we wear clothes. Besides clothes can be fun and also enhance your comfort level. However if what I am wearing is safe I don’t need to consider your ideas about modesty. If you don’t like my cleavage or my arse then don’t look!

2. Which of the following best describes you:
a. Exhibitionist
b. Voyeur
c. Keep nudity and things sexual behind closed doors

Definitely an exhibitionist. I like to do things that shock. I like people looking at me when I am nude or wearing something revealing. I like the feeling of power it gives me. And I love the idea that I am turning someone on.

3. What is the most revealing outfit that you have ever worn in public?

I do pole dance for fitness. I frequently wear clothing that shows my arse and my cleavage. A couple of years ago I did a class that was more about floorwork than pole and for our graduation performance we did a semi strip. I loved it.

4. There are only two types of beaches left in the world–clothing optional and must be clothes-free. Which beach will you visit?

Must be clothes free. Because being nude at the beach is amazing. Although I can do without the creepy middle aged men who think a nude beach is a valid pick up zone.

5. You have just gotten out of the shower to find that your towel is hanging outside on the clothesline. Your house is full of guests. Do you:
a. Call out for someone to bring your towel.
b. Use something else to dry yourself.
c. Retrieve your towel as inconspicuously as possible wrapping it around you at the earliest chance.
d. Take advantage of the sunshine and dry yourself au naturale in your backyard.

I am going with c. although I probably wouldn’t worry too much about being inconspicuous. As I stated in question 1. If you don’t like how I am dressed when I am at home then don’t freaking look. Or as Pete Symes says “If you don’t like my peaches then don’t shake my tree”

Bonus: Have you ever skinny dipped or visited a nude beach? Pictures would be awesome!

I have visited a couple of nude beaches in my travels. Or is that I have been nude at beaches regardless of the dress code? Meh Potato Potahto. We did visit an “official” nude beach at Magnetic Island. The beach was beautiful in the extreme. The patrons of the beach were friendly enough although I was the only nude female and there was the usual contingent of creepy middle aged men. Including one wearing a cock ring??