TMI Tuesday – Double Whammy

Welcome to your second dose of TMI for the week. You can never have too much TMI Tuesday.

1. Agree or Disagree with “Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.”

I have never really been a Mondayitis kind of person. Monday is a just another day to me.

Rainy days are great for lazing around which is something I don’t normally get to do. However if I am at school and it starts raining… There is something about kids and rain…

2. What do you like to do on a rainy day?

See the answer to number 1. Bum around and watch Rue Paul’s Drag Race.

Who are the queens of 'RuPaul's Drag Race' season 10?

3. What do you refuse to spend money on?

Uber Eats. Like really? Is it THAT hard to go pick up your own take away?

4. If money and practicality were not a problem, what would be the most interesting way for you to get around town?

As I type this I am on a bus going back to the marina from the supermarket. A tender for my yacht that is like an aqua duck would be handy these days.

5. What is the most frustrating product you own?

In my TMI post for last week (that I posted yesterday) I mentioned the need for a new can opener. I had a session with the current one that made me wonder at the intellect of the person who invented canned food but not the can opener.

Bonus: If you could hack into any one computer, which computer would you choose?

My employer’s pay office!! Maybe I could secure an income to fund an extension of my current leave.

This post is part of TMI Tuesday for 11 May 2021. To see who else is sharing click the button below

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TMI Tuesday; Filling in the Blanks

I started writing this post a week ago but it has taken me until now to get it posted because internet at sea is sometimes challenging.

1. Friends = _____

Fun, benefits, good times, someone you can lean on, people to drink with. Although not all friends are all of the above. The benefits definitely only apply to certain friends. Sadly not all friends with benefits become people who stay in your life for a long time.

2. I’m done with _____.

Small children. My own children are grown up and able to mostly care for themselves. Grandchildren don’t appear to be imminent and I have little tolerance for other people’s children. One of the things I say to Mr Jones frequently when we are out and there are small children behaving badly is

“I’m glad we don’t have little kids any more!”

3. I’m ready for _____.

Sitting here on extended leave dealing with views like this.

It is difficult to imagine going back to work. I have contemplated the question of if I am ready for retirement but the answer to that is probably not yet.

What I am ready for is a beer! And some oysters that I just harvested off the rocks on the beach!

4. The oldest _____ I have is _____.

The oldest sex toy I have is a vibrator whose name is Big Red. I don’t really use him any more as a vibrator. He has been superseded but for a while I was using him to penetrate a gentleman who liked big things in his arse.

5. Take some _____, mix it all together and you have _____.

Take some egg white, Limonchello, Vodka and some other cocktail magic, mix it all together and you have the best Lemon Mereingue cocktail ever.

Only if it is made by a very special friend who knows exactly who he is!

Bonus: Tonight I am looking forward to _____, and tomorrow I really want to _____ !

Tonight I am looking forward to having decent internet, and tomorrow I really want to go shopping and buy some fresh vegetables, a decent can opener and a strainer.

I haven’t been able to get to a supermarket in a fortnight. And I recently discovered that the can opener on the boat is a pile of poo, because I had run out of fresh fruit and veg and wanted to open a can!! And yes I know I am living the dream but there are issues with living on a yacht that result in a lack of access to supermarkets and general civilization.

Thirty Dirty Questions- Q4

Question 4: What do you think about when you masturbate?

This is an interesting question. I don’t masturbate a lot. I grew up in a repressed Catholic environment. Sex was not discussed. Touching yourself was strongly discouraged. Anything to do with exploring your body was strongly discouraged. As an adult I have gotten past a lot of hurdles related to this up bringing but masturbating is not one of them.

I guess part of my aversion to it has been re-enforced by the pop culture stereotype of men masturbating because they could not have real sex. Somewhere in the twisted canals of my brain the idea that masturbating is the desperate furtive act of a person denied their sexual needs took root. My Catholic upbringing also attempted to entrench in me that women should not enjoy sex. This idea did not take root thankfully but I was very cautious about displaying my rejection of it. Because there is this idea in the world of popular culture that women shouldn’t appear to like sex but a good wife will provide it. So her man doesn’t have to masturbate???

OK so I had some twisted ideas that stayed with me until I was well into my thirties. I don’t even want to discuss the “blue pill” thinking that dominated my early marriage. I am past a lot of that now but I still don’t masturbate a lot. Privacy is a problem in our house. I have two adult children who don’t always understand the concept of privacy. Along with two elderly parents who also just trot on into our part of the house when it suits them. Getting time to myself when I know I won’t be interrupted to relax and do something like masturbating it is very infrequent.

As I get older and read more blogs, I am becoming more relaxed about it. But the time when I am most likely to masturbate is when I can’t sleep. This process is just a way to get my body to relax. I love the afterglow feeling which I also get with sex. The difference with sex is often I don’t get to lie quietly and enjoy it until I go to sleep. There is other people and other things happening.

What do I think about when I do masturbate? I don’t have a go to scenario or story. Sometimes I think about activities that I would like to try. Double penetration for example. I fantasise about being taken from behind while I am riding Mr Jones. Other times my fantasies are about domination. Or about being in control of my partner and making him fulfil my every wish with no guilt about not pleasing him. I have not taken a man’s arse for a long time but it does entice me. I love the thought of holding a beautiful arse in my palms as I penetrate him. I have the power. There are others but often they are fragmented and fleeting. They don’t stay in my mind long enough to take root.

Sometimes I think about a recent encounter with a lover. Images of their face or the sound of their pleasure trigger a response in me. I remember the feeling of their hands on me or their face pressed between my thighs. Replaying favourite moments of time together is enticing and can give me deep pleasure.

And with that I think I may need some alone time.

If you want to read answers to other questions you can use the links at my Thirty Dirty Questions page to find related posts.

TMI Tuesday – Do We Match?

The questions this week come from a TV show called “The Match Game”. I don’t really remember this show but I have recently been introduced to Ru Paul’s Drag Race by The Unicorn which includes a parody dating show “The Snatch Game” which is hilarious.

1. Are you ready to go? Where are you going?

I am ready for many things; being blindfolded and feeling a stranger’s face between my thighs. Going into the wild where the weather may change and the sandbar on the map is not exactly where it is in real life.

2. There is something wrong with dating, what is it?

I am going to go out on a limb here and say the internet has simultaneously been the best and worst thing for dating in history. While the internet has no doubt allowed many couples to meet who would never have crossed paths in pre-internet days; Dating sites have also created a culture that resounds with selfishness, snap judgement and just plain bad manners.

3. Born to be wild–what is your wild?

I have been wild for so long that I forget that it is wild to mainstream people. A few days ago I was sitting on the back deck of our boat in a rather picturesque location. The weather was sunny and warm and I chose to be naked from the waist up. This seemed like such a great idea until other boats started going past and waving to us. I became a little self conscious.

I was less so later in the day when we went walking on a nearby sandbar.

4. Pick your best feature and sell it to us?

Right now I am in a headspace that involves making things work. Over the last few weeks I have faced a few situations that have really taken me out of my comfort zone. In the words of a friend “courage is when you do something in spite of your fears rather than in the absence of them”

5. Fill in the blank. This may sound a little weird but _____ .

“Can you just stand with your head out of the porthole for a while?”

As I was standing there contemplating the serenity of the inlet we were moored in Mr Jones proceeded to test out the new mini massager that I had purchased before our departure. I stayed upright as long as I could!!

Bonus: If you were trapped in a store all night, in which store would you want to be trapped?

An adult store.

I just hope that I wouldn’t have to pay for the merchandise I would test out during the night!!!

This post is part of this week’s TMI Tuesday. Click on the button below to see who else is sharing

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The Red Pill for Women

I blogged recently about Red pill versus blue pill thinking from a male perspective. Or rather a woman’s ideas about a man changing from a blue pill to a red pill thinker. I have also explained my thoughts about the biology of female attraction to Alpha males as opposed to their entrapment of betas. It would be generalising to say that all men who are Alphas are red pill men and all betas are blue pill but the similarities are there. All this is awesome but can a woman “Choose the Red pill”?

I think the answer is yes. There are women out there who are stronger and more dominant than others. I am not talking about the Karens of the world here. I am talking about the women who command respect through achievement and integrity, not through being the one who will complain to the manager or is the queen bee of her friendship group.

How not to be a 'Karen' - ABC Everyday

Several years ago, I was part of a group of mothers who all had children in the same year level at the primary school that The Unicorn attended with her brother. We celebrated several girls’ nights. Which were essentially shared meals at a local pub where alcohol was consumed, and gossip swapped. At the time I was blogging, and I had just started studying Education. I was a bit more relaxed about hiding my lifestyle and several of these women knew about my writing, if not the more sordid details of my ‘after dark’ persona.

The conversations on these evenings were varied and often controversial. Something I found amusing. When it came to sex there was not a “type” among us. One member of the group would be what many would call prudish. Sex was not her thing, porn was confusing to her and her knowledge of the female body, including her own, was limited. She found our different ideas and experiences interesting but still maintained sex was not for her. Perhaps she was asexual? Another member of the group fell into the more common stereotype. That is, she complained about how her husband “harassed her” for sex. Interestingly there was another woman who complained about the exact opposite.

There is a train of thought that suggests that all of us should have been entering our sexual prime. We were still young, fit, and healthy. Our children had started school and the constant grind of dealing with small children was lessening. We no longer had to micromanage every moment of the lives of small beings and our partners were more than capable of stepping up. Clearly because we were out together completely free of children and husbands and the need to think about what was for dinner or if everyone ate it. This was our time.

A woman who was strong could take that opportunity to become a Red pill woman. In the movie that spawned the Red vs blue ideal, The Matrix; the female lead, Trinity, is the epitome of a Red Pill woman. She is a true badass and can look after herself. She is not afraid to tell men to go fuck themselves when they are not strong enough for her taste. Additionally, she has and amazing wardrobe! Our culture supresses women like this. We fill little girl’s heads with Disney stories that all revolve around women seeking their prince charming and finding their forever love. Even more modern versions of Disney Princesses such as Rapunzel and Elsa still have a love interest as a primary goal. Despite all of the hype that they were pioneers, breaking the Disney mould.

The Matrix Reloaded | Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss)

But amongst our little group there were women who were still playing the victim. Complaining about how demanding their husbands are or how weak they are. It is a trap that is easy to fall into, sitting with a group of women making fun of the men in the world. Laughing at how stupid, inept and generally disappointing they are. A woman who was my hairdresser for many years would complain how her husband never let his sons take dance classes “because it was gay!” (not going to touch that topic as offensive as it is). Her complaint was that he was turning his sons into the kind of men who sat around got drunk and said and did stupid stuff. Not a desirable feature I will admit but the irony of this situation is that her husband WAS that guy and SHE married him.

Choosing the red pill is not about totally opposing everything in your life that you don’t like. It is not about trying to change other people; that is impossible. It is about changing yourself. It is about making yourself happy. Women are notorious for not asking directly for what they want or worse, downplaying the importance of what they want, and then complaining when they don’t get what they want. Even something as simple as saying “no” when they are approached by a man is out of some women’s capabilities. We deflect and make excuses and then complain when he doesn’t get the hint.

For women choosing the Red pill is about owning what you want. A Red pill woman doesn’t make excuses. She says no, and she doesn’t take other people’s crap. When she is asked, she will tell you what she wants and if you aren’t up to it she will also tell you. Red pill women don’t complain about their appearance or their bodies. They are proud. So, what if I am curvy? I like cake and curves are sexy. If there is something I want to change then I will change it in my own time, in my own way. So what if you don’t like something about me? Your ideas about me are actually none of my business.

Changing or maintaining your thinking is difficult. It takes work. It often requires you to cut ties with people who are firmly entrenched in the negative, blue pill, way. Sometimes you have to physically avoid certain situations so you don’t get sucked in to that hole. But at the end of the day it is definitely worth it.

TMI Tuesday – The Good Life Edition

1. What is an ideal weekend for you?

An ideal weekend would consist of some serious play time that included about two hours of continuous sex of some form, a large portion would involve fucking. Some time spent on the boat in a sunny part of Moreton Bay being at least semi naked in the sun and time to sleep and recover from the fucking.

2. What is the craziest job you would consider taking?

There are many people in the world who think I am crazy for doing the job I do now. Although I find it mostly rewarding. Despite frequent rants about troublesome students and Central Leadership making stupid unrealistic demands.

Apart from this job the craziest job I have considered was working as a scientist for the summer season in Antarctica. I was much younger then. I didn’t get very far through the application process before I realised it probably wasn’t for me.

3. Where would you rate yourself as a kisser on a scale of 1 to 10? (10 being the best kisser ever!)

I am OK at kissing. I wouldn’t call myself great so maybe a 6 or 7.
A play friend I knew once had this feedback system going where you gave him a rating about certain skills he felt were important. Maybe I should start something like that.

4. What do you like most and least about your significant other’s cooking?

The think I like most about Mr Jones’ cooking is that when he does it I don’t have to. Don’t get me wrong, I generally LIKE cooking. What I don’t like is having to think about WHAT to cook after a day of work and having to plan what I need to buy to do said cooking.

What do I like least about Mr Jones cooking? That when it is his turn to cook I often end up doing the planning and decision making that is the part I don’t like about having to cook myself.

5. How has smartphone photography changed your world?

I am not sure if smartphone photography changed my world a lot. Certainly during the early years of my marraige and parenthood a physical camera was a big part of my life. Since having a smartphone I did move away from needing a separate item just to take photos.

A hiking trip that involved rock hopping accross a creek and a swim for my phone has convinced me that for our current, water based, adventure that I would invest in a waterproof camera. I do not regret my choice but I do still use my phone.

Bonus: What is a good life?

To me a good life is one that has been well lived. In doing this a person has achieved their goals, and been happy and productive. I don’t believe a person can be productive if they have not contributed to making the world a better place. Just accumulating stuff or satisfying your personal whims is not enough.

This post is part of this week’s TMI Tuesday. To see who else is sharing click on the icon below.

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The Final Countdown

My presence on these pages has dipped slightly over the last couple of weeks. Mr Jones and I are in the final stages of preparing ourselves and our vessel for our six month adventure. It seems that there is an endless parade of details that are demanding attention. Some days I feel like I need more time but the reality is that these details are the things that keep most from doing things like this. There comes a point when you have to just bite the bullet and LEAVE. The unattended details will look after themselves at that point.

LEAVING day has been set in concrete. We are steadily getting things organised. I feel like I am on top of it. I also know that there will be a day when I realise I left something behind that I think I really need. The reality is that we will improvise or go without. It is surprising what you can manage without. An acquaintance told me of a couple that she knew who had done a similar trip. Upon their return they found it a little difficult to adjust to a life full of material things. I know from a caravanning experience many years ago that this is definitely a thing.

As the last few days tick by we are making the rounds of friends and acquaintances ensuring we get to spend time with people who are important. It is an interesting thing. Most people are grateful of the effort but also focussed on their own lives and plans. More than once I have fought off a bout of FOMO as I hear of celebrations and gatherings planned that I will not be able to attend. I know that there will be others and we are having our own adventures but the disconnect is a little jarring. I sometimes wonder how hard it will be to slot back in to life when we return. Will everyone forget us? I hope not.

Things are set now. Changing the path we have chosen for ourselves can only happen if there is a major upheaval. Besides why would we want to change? We are truly some of the luckiest people in the world.

TMI Tuesday – A Few of my Favourite Things

1 What is your favourite dessert and why

My automatic response to this question is always chocolate cake. Although in recent years I have developed an affinity for cheesecake. So chocolate cheesecake? All of the good things, rich chocolatey goodness, creamy cheese with a little tang. What is not to like?

2 What is your favourite nickname to be called?

Mr Jones calls me Babe but I don’t like being called that by anyone else.

At work I have a variety of nicknames depending on who is calling me. One of my colleagues who is about the same age as me calls me “Sissy”. It harks back to a student who graduated last year. When he was in year 7 he mixed myself and my “Sissy” up all the time (we don’t look at all alike!). He said we looked like sisters and the nickname was born.

3 What is your favourite nickname for your favourite person?

I also refer to Mr Jones as Babe. Not very imaginative but there it is

4 Who makes you laugh the most?

One of my colleagues who refers to me as her lover, is highly unusual. She is one of the quirkiest people I have ever met. Always guaranteed to generate a smile when she walks into the room.

5 What is something from your childhood that would seem strange to millennials.

Many things from my childhood would seem strange to millennials. I grew up in a small country town. One of the last to have a ‘party line’ phone system with a manned exchange in Australia. The phone that sat on the desk in the study area looked like this;

It was connected to the exchange by an actual wire that ran for 42 kilometers! About six or so households shared the same access wire and only one of us could use it at once. Children were not allowed to use the phone at all. A far cry from the smartphones of today.

Bonus: What is your idea of heaven

Somewhere that is unspoiled by humans and their consumerism. A place where people respect the environment and live relatively simply. I hope I see some of these places in my upcoming voyage.

Bonus Bonus:

There is always room for boobs

This post is part of this week’s TMI Tuesday roundup. Click on the icon below to see who else is playing along

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Is This Menopause?

I have contributed to the Menopause diaries before. But when I read that Rebel was going to focus on a monthly prompt I really wanted to get on board. I read the post for the first prompt and wrote my contribution and then… Life happened. So here it is. A little out of sequence but I am sure that Rebel will forgive me. Perhaps I should offer a sacrifice to the Goddess of blogging????

My reproductive system has been very compliant pretty much my whole life. Apart from starting my period at 11 years old everything worked well. I didn’t suffer from cramps or irregular periods when I was younger. As an adult I was able to fall pregnant when I wanted to. My pregnancies went by with a minimum of fuss.

I took the contraceptive pill for large chunks of my adult life. From age 18 until about two years after the birth of The Unicorn when Mr Jones had a vasectomy. When we opened our marriage, I started taking the pill again. Even though we used condoms and practised safe sex the possibility of me falling pregnant to another man was a deal breaker for Mr Jones. He refused to act as a father to another man’s child.

And so, I found myself taking the contraceptive pill well into my forties. Over the years some doctors tried to convince me that other devices would be better / more convenient. I had an encounter with an Implanon or as it is known in the vernacular “the rod”. It didn’t work for me and I continued with the tried-and-true method. I loved being on the pill, the predictability of it, the way it just worked.

Somewhere between the age of 40 and 45 I noticed that I began to sweat a lot. I live in a hot humid place. But on really warm days sweat would literally pour out of my face. During summer I had to carry around a cloth to wipe my face if I was not in an air-conditioned space. It was mainly my face that leaked profusely. The rest of my body seemed reasonably unaffected. At school I was reluctant to do this because I worried about looking odd in front of my students but there were times, if I was particularly stressed when I would be reaching for the tissue box. At the time I didn’t realise what was happening to me. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I have struggled with depression since my late 30’s. In all honesty I have probably always had it to an extent it just got worse as I got older. Or perhaps it was a perimenopause symptom. I don’t know. Whatever the case I started taking medication when I was around 40. I took the drug for several years. It had a negative effect on my libido and sexual function but at least I didn’t wake up at 3 am wanting to cut off my hair! Or other, more drastic things. Like the sweating I didn’t consider this as part of a bigger thing. I will never know all the answers to all the questions I have about depression. I do believe that the increase in the effects on my life are linked to the onset of menopause.

In 2018 when I was 45, I noticed my period change. I was still taking the pill. The artificial hormones make your uterus bleed every 28 days no matter what. But I noticed that the amount was less, and it seemed different somehow. At this point I began to put some things together. The profuse sweating on hot days had morphed into full on hot flushes by now. I was still taking depression medication, but I was ready to either ditch it or change because I was done with the impact it was having on my sex life. Plus, it didn’t seem to be helping much with mood swings or keeping at bay the days when I just wanted to cry for hours. I still wasn’t sure what was depression and what was menopause but I began to ask myself if they were one and the same.

In January 2019 I decided to conduct an experiment. I stopped taking the pill. I had read that the pill masks menopause symptoms, but I was a little naïve as to what that could exactly mean. My hypothesis was that if I had stopped ovulating and my uterus was heading to retirement that I would not have a period. My hypothesis was proven to be correct. I have not had a period since January 2019. At the time I was 46.

Around March of the same year I visited my GP and asked to change my depression medication. I also asked if there was a way to confirm my menopause status. He conducted a blood test and informed me that “my hormone profile was the same as a post-menopausal woman. I changed medication which was a long process of weaning off the first medication and then easing on to the second. It was harder than I expected. Were some of the things I was experiencing a result of menopause, or were they because of the stress I was under at the time? Later that year I visited a counsellor. He told me that he thought some of my issues were a result of being burnt out. Great! Another thing to add to the mix of things that could be causing my symptoms.

Reading through blog posts and talking to other women there is much chatter about menopause and peri-menopause. Many women seem to be in touch with what is happening and able to identify the central focus for their symptoms. I was not one of them. For me hindsight has been the only insight. I blindly went through the lead up to menopause dealing with each symptom individually not realising it was all part of a bigger thing.

I hope that others out there can benefit from this site and the shared experiences of other women. Click on the icon below and find out what other women are sharing.

The Menopause Diaries

Toxic Masculinity

My friend Mike over at Marriage Sex and More often writes about his journey through changing his approach to his sex life. This journey has taken him from being a classic “blue pill” thinker to more of a “red pill” guy. The resulting change in attitude and confidence has resulted in a complete 180 degree turn around in many areas of his life in particular his marriage. As a woman I find his ideas a little confronting. As a wife I find myself nodding along. For men who are in marriages that are sexless and unsatisfactory what he has to say is invaluable. Confronting but invaluable.

Mike’s idea of “Blue pill” vs “Red pill” thinking is interesting. In his view “blue pill” thinking is taking on pressures placed on men, often by feminists, to be more sensitive and to suppress men’s tendencies to be strong, and in some ways dominating. A blue pill guy is married to the system, does every thing he can to meet his wife’s demands, all the while complaining that he never gets enough sex and that women are bitches. Mike’s reformation came about when he refused to be the sensitive new age guy type and became a “Red pill” thinker. Strong, happy with himself and more in control of his life. I have summarised here, you really need to read the way he explains it.

Blue Pill or Red Pill

As I read a recent post summarising the changes in his approach and his wife’s approach to oral sex many things resonated with me. I come across men every day in the world of the internet who are dealing with being sexually repressed in one way or another. All of them will complain at length about their wives not being on board with their sexual fantasies. All of them tell me that they are keen to be amazing in bed, that they love licking pussy, that they have endless stamina yada yada.

While I have not tested them all I have enough experience to tell you that

They

are

lying

to me, to their wives, to themselves.

When it comes to licking pussy most men are, well, pussies. They will do it for a short while as a means to get to the main course. Once they have ticked the box, they don’t go back. They don’t listen to subtle direction, they don’t assess how their partner is responding and they don’t give the impression that they are actually enjoying it. When it comes to the main course, again it is all about them hitting their goals. Stamina is relative. For some five minutes is a long time to have sex. And yes it can be a long time if you are fucking someone who is using you as a place to shove their dick.

It is a generalisation but many of the men I encounter who are using a poor sex life as an excuse for cheating have one thing in common. They do not take responsibility for their problem. They see themselves as a victim. Blue pill thinking. Everything in their life is someone else’s fault. Mostly their wife’s. This goes further to them thinking they are owed something. That the other women they are seeking are going to just fit with their fantasies, ideas and availability. In short, she is going to supply him with everything he wants that he is not getting now. Because, of course, if one woman is refusing to comply she is definitely the one with the problem.

A casual read of Mike’s posts might lead a man to think that paying scant attention to what his woman wants is all part of the Red Pill mentality. That to be a Red pill man all you have to do is focus on demanding what you want and it will come along. There is no such thing as a free lunch. Just demanding what you want in a loud voice is the kind of thing a two year old does. If his parent is doing their job they will promptly remind their entitled child that life is not about waiting for your privileges to fall from the sky it is about EARNING them. The focus is not on what you WANT but what you ARE.

Instead of complaining that your wife is not attracted to you how about considering making yourself more attractive to her? There have been times when I have had to look at myself. I fell in the blue pill rabbit hole and felt that Mr Jones was not doing it for me. A good hard look in the mirror told me I was also not doing it for HIM. It has taken time and much trial and error but these days I have a reasonably good idea of what does it for him (I think). The question is mostly not what to do but motivating myself to make the effort. Because it does take effort.

Mr Jones often talks about the cycle of not being attractive. How one partner’s inadequacy feeds the inadequacy of the other and around and around it spirals. His idea is correct. Breaking the cycle is hard. It takes one partner to go out on a limb. Of course if the other doesn’t follow then you are possibly flogging a dead horse. It is just a question of how long you want the limb to be and if they don’t follow do you go back to where you were or move on?

At the end of the day marriage is not a free ride. There is never a time to coast and there is never a time to lie back and be worshipped as a perfect specimen of a spouse. Good relationships take work. Sometimes the rewards are not instant. Sometimes the rewards are not exactly what you wanted. But do you honestly want to be a victim at the mercy of other people? Is that really what you want?