Category Archives: Life

You’re Joking… Right?

Recently I have joked to a couple of my chat friends that I am thinking about becoming celibate. They think the concept is hilarious. In their minds and probably in their fantasies I am still the sex goddess I was when they met me. I guess in some ways I am. In many others I am not.

The last couple of years have seen a lot of changes in my life. I think, finally, I have become a grownup. I have a real job; one where I have to be responsible all the time. I am currently the only person in my household that actually has a full time job so in some ways I am kind of the breadwinner. No not really, that would be too much grown up even for me. For the first time in a long time I am thinking about the future and the direction that I want to steer my life. Probably the most grown up thing a person can do. 

What, I hear you ask, have either of those things got to do with not being a sex goddess? The answer is actually not very much. Other than my headspace is not constantly occupied with thoughts or plans for the next adventure. Something that was a key part of being a sex goddess. These days when people ask me about my fucket list my answer is; “Fucket list, oh yeh I remember what one of those is”

I just realised; another key indicator of being a grown up, I use semi colons in my writing. Or is that a side effect of being a teacher? I don’t know but it a bit freaky, here I am pouring my heart out to the void of the Internet and I am ticking off grammar and sentence structure in my head. I need a really good fuck. 

So we were talking about fucket lists. I remember that I have often said I don’t like to have a specific list. But I guess that I kind of did. I kind of remember what was on it. Right now my fucket list consists of; have sex with my husband, have sex with Engineer X. Not necessarily in that order. Logistics seem to get in the way a lot these days. People think that having small children is a drag on your sex life. Those people really have no idea. Mainly because they are yet to experience having teenagers living with you. Small children don’t know, or care, if they walk in on you having sex. They are not scarred by the experience. What’s more they go to bed at a sensible hour meaning you can actually have pre sex on the couch before you start falling asleep. Teenagers don’t do that. They want to stay up and share their rubbish idea of what is good TV and make it awkward if you want to make sexy jokes with your husband. What’s worse is they don’t go to bed nice and early so that you can invite over some special people or when you get dressed to go out and meet said special people they ask all kinds of questions about where you are going. 

Actually my teenagers have kind of got the hint that asking too many questions is not a good idea so I guess I have trained them to a certain extent but it is still awkward getting out the door some days. Mr Jones is much more concerned about that kind of thing that me. I feel more comfortable being relatively candid. He does not. So we land somewhere in between which is, by definition, awkward. I guess I just have to keep telling myself that it is only temporary. Not that I am expecting them to move out but I am definitely not going to sugar coat things for my eighteen year old children just to spare them some awkwardness. That is just creating a rod for your own back. 

It seems I have worked through and dismissed my standard list of excuses for not being sexy enough so now I am left with a task; hang up my goddess cape or stop making excuses. My friends are right, hanging up the cape is a hilarious idea. Hilarious because it is so unlikely. And because I simply don’t want to. As much as Mr Jones is irritating me right now he is just going to have to get out his impressive junk and use it on me. Because a happy wife makes for a happy life and to be happier I need more sex in my life. 

Thanks for listening Internet Void, you are the best therapist ever. 

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Sunday Selfie

About a week  ago a Facebook colleague posted a meme about duck face selfies that teenage girls seem addicted to. It was actually quite clever.


I share his frustration. It re-ignited in me the motivation to continue with a hobby I was playing with about a year ago. Trying to make selfies an art form. Or rather taking selfies that took into account some more complex ideas and angles and creating more ‘artsy’ photos instead of just a head with something significant in the background. Or alternatively a bunch of people pulling a face at the camera. 

I shared this image with a twitter friend recently. He was happy with his early morning hello and I was happy with the image. It is a bit grainy but I love the concept.


Enjoy and happy Sunday. 

TMI Tuesday – Interesting Random Questions 


1. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?

Turn off the alarm and debate with myself about going back to sleep. Right now, in week 8 of a 10 week term I am almost at the point of counting the sleeps before the holidays start. The other crucial part of my getting up routine is cuddling the cat. Neither of us can function properly if we don’t have our morning cuddle. 

2. What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep?

Have a snuggle with Mr Jones. Sometimes it turns into more but mostly it is just a cuddl a kiss and “good night”. 

3. Are you a giver or taker?

Such a giver! Not just in bed but in everything. In bed I am definitely the one who is more likely to come away from an experience wondering what all the fuss was about. In fact reflecting back I think that was ultimately what caused my relationship with Pet to die. That and the fact he was/ is a very selfish person. 

4. If you had to give yourself a new name, what would it be?

Esmeralda Amelia Jane. In a pinch though Gemma will do. It has served me well as an alias for many years now.

5. A world-famous chef asks you to make dinner, what would you make?

Absolutely no fucking idea. Probably lasagna because that is the meal that I am famous for, in my own little kitchen anyways. 

Bonus: What’s the worst advice you ever received?

I must be a bit of a maverick because I can’t remember ever taking someone’s advice and regretting it. Either that or I have no friends that care enough to give advice to me. 

TMI Tuesday – Memory Lane

Home:1. Your current home: House? Apartment? Trailer? Condo? Other?

I live in a fairly idyllic place. A four bedroom house on 1.5 acres. For an ex farm girl who finds herself living in the city it is a perfect fit. I don’t have to see the neighbours when I go into the back yard plus I get to keep poultry. 

2. Which is bigger, your childhood home or your current home?

My childhood home was a farm house on 23, 000 acres. So in terms of land the childhood home was definitely bigger. The house was physically bigger but it was a bit higgeldy piggeldy so there was a lot of space that wasn’t used very well. 

3. Which is better childhood home or current home? Why?

Both of them have their pros and cons. But I prefer my current home. Mainly because I am happier here than I was at my childhood home. 

School:

4. What was your favorite subject in school? (consider high school, college, grad school). Why was this your favorite subject?

Definitely microbiology. I found the whole concept of a world of organisms that are invisible to the naked eye fascinating. 

5. Are you currently working in a field that you studied in college?

I am a science teacher which on the surface looks like I am working in the same field but in reality it is quite different. There are some aspects of the subjects I studied at university that are the same in this job but there are a plethora of other things that are not. Prior to starting this job I also completed a degree in education. I have to say that not very much of that degree really helped me get ready for the reality of teaching. 

Job:

6. Describe your first job.

My first job was as a research assistant a C.S.I.R.O. Which is the Australian government funded scientific body. I was very much at the bottom of the ladder in this place and I did all of the jobs that were beneath the real scientists working there. My experiences there formed my opinions about the attitudes and work ethic of government workers and since that job I have avoided working in government funded positions. 

7. What was your favorite job and why?

Prior to starting work as a teacher I managed a laboratory in a milk factory. Many of the staff there were awesome people. The factory was brand new and the company that built it was establishing its brand in a new area. This made the whole community of workers extremely tight. This changed as the factory grew but those first years were awesome. 

Bonus: What haven’t we talked about in TMI Tuesday that you would like to discuss?

A couple of things; travelling and fantasies, sexual of course. 

Make sure you hit up the TMI Tuesday page for more goodness

TMI Tuesday – Back to School Week 

OK I will admit that the questions this week are not about back to school. However in Australia the summer holidays finished this week and the school year has started. For me it signals the end of sleep ins, daytime naps and not having a timetable to follow; at least until December rolls around again. That will happen in 45 weeks or so. But who is counting. And so on with the questions. 


1. At work, what sets you apart from others?

This morning when I read thes questions I was feeling very positive but I received some very negative and unfair feedback today from a collegue. I like to think that I am a positive person but the thing that probably sets me apart from others is a refusal to play office politics and get caught up in he said she said games. 

2. When it comes to sex appeal, what sets you apart from others?

This question kind of stumped me a little but I asked The Fireman and he said this 

Ok … your confidence, imagination, willingness to be adventurous, and enthusiasm for the dick 🙂

Until I read this comment I had forgotten about that. But it is true. If I am in a play situation I can become insatiable for cock. Hence my last post about being taken by multiple men. It is a state of mind that gives incredible freedom. 

3. What are the big imbalances in your life?

Given the events of today I am thinking that I take a lot of things way too personally and need to stop over analysing. 

4. What is it that your family and close friends cannot do that only you can do?

When I was growing up my mother prided herself on being a good cook. She had a certain amount of talent for a certain type of cooking, namely CWA (never heard of it? Look here ) style baking etc. she thought that she was the best person to make birthday cakes. However I have surpassed her skill. As she ages her ability seems to have diminished slightly and I was more than a little chuffed when recently she declared that I was now the “go to” person in the family for celebratory cakes.  

5. Are you flexible enough? 

To do the splits? Not quite. For the record I have never been able to do the splits and so getting my body to that point is a painful challenge that I am not committed to enough. 

To be able to deal with unexpected situations as they crop up in every day life? Absolutely I would go so far as to say that it is one of the essential skills that all teachers must have and I am pleased to announce that I have it in spades. 


Bonus: What was the best news you received in 2016?

At this point I would have to say my timetable for this year. It is awesome!!! For the first time ever I am not the person in the staff room with the least planning time. That is great because it means I have time to plan sexy adventures and write about them here (I hope!).

Despite my best efforts I am not superwoman and a lurking black dog meant that I did not get this posted on time. However make sure Yu enjoy more TMI goodness at the official TMI Tuesday site. 

The Journey to Now – Ladies Night 

Like many women in the scene, and possibly more men that it appears, I started my journey into swinging with the goal of exploring my bisexual interests. In my post, The Big Red Door, I described that on my first visit to Couples international I both satisfied and increased this curiosity by kissing a girl. This experience was very surreal, I had never kissed a woman before and the thing that intrigued me the most was the softness of a woman when she kissed. Ever since that night the softness of a woman’s body had been one of the things I have enjoyed most about this exploration.  

Couples International was owned by a couple who had been in the swinging scene for many years. Mrs CI was a tall, very striking woman who was not a little intimidating. One of her special interests was empowering women by giving them a safe space to express their sexuality as well as the knowledge of their own bodies to help them understand how pleasure works for women. She did this by running nights at her club restricted only to women. During these evenings she spent some of the time discussing women’s sexuality, displaying her extensive toy collection or providing some very physical demonstrations about different ways women are able to climax.

When I saw these evenings advertised I was very curious about them. People I met during some of our visits to CI told me that they were very much worth attending and I was very curious about them. Mr Jones was very supportive of me going along but I was still reluctant. I didn’t have a lot of friends, especially in the scene who I could take along with me and I was intimidated by the idea of going along by myself. 

Once I had plucked up the courage I found myself one Wednesday evening, walking through the big red door all by myself. In many ways the evening was a turning point for me. Mrs CI started the evening by making her guests feel welcome and encouraging them to introduce themselves to everyone. It was a smallish group of around 20 women. Many of them were not swingers as such but the majority of them were married or in long term relationships. Like me they were there to explore their interest in other women away from the prying eyes of their husbands and other men. 

After some small talk Mrs CI gave us a presentation about female orgasm. She used her own body to explain some of the points she was making describing the feeling of different parts of her vulva and vagina. She described different ways of giving pleasure other than direct stimulation of the clitoris and also described how she made herself squirt. I had read a little about squirting and I was fascinated by the phenomenon. This was the first time I had witnessed it in real life and it only served to increase my curiosity. Mrs CI assured all of us that squirting was not a talent that was reserved for a few of us but something that every woman was capable of.  

After the formal part of the evening was over we were invited to spend some time getting to know each other more intimately with full access to the facilities of the club including all of the bedrooms. For those of us who had not been to an evening like this before it was still a little intimidating but we found ourselves inspired by lead of some women who had been before. After watching some more experienced women enjoying each other I found myself naked with several ladies on a bed in the open play area. We spent quite a bit of time exploring each other, kissing, licking, sucking and enjoying the delights of oral sex. For the first time in my life I was able to get really up close and personal with a vulva and it fascinated me. I found that I loved to explore the folds and openings with first my fingers and then my tongue. 

I do not remember exactly how many of us were on the bed together but I believe it was around seven naked sexy women enjoying each other’s bodies. As well as discovering a lot of things about how women’s bodies work I also discovered a lot of things about myself. To this day I have a huge appreciation for the softness of a woman’s skin and the curve of a breast. I also love slowly exploring a woman’s vulva stroking her labia first with my fingers and then with my tongue before slide my fingers into her vagina and stroke that little rough piece of skin wile I tantalise her clitoris with tongue strokes and sometimes a little sucking. There is something a little powerful about giving a woman an earth shattering orgasm that is quite different from sucking a man to climax. 

 Despite all of these experiences I went home a little edgy and unsatisfied. After describing my evening to Mr Jones I finally filled myself by riding his beautiful cock. Despite all I had learned and experienced I am still primarily in love with cock. Pussy is a fantastic entree but it does not satisfy, it whets your appetite and when the morsels have been consumed you are even more keenly ready for the main course. Yes I am bisexual to a degree but the only thing that will truly satisfy me is a good hard fucking.

TMI Tuesday – If …..


This week’s questions are a little eclectic but I enjoyed them. If you are interested in more TMI goodness then make sure you check out the TMI Tuesday page. 

1. If you were forced to wear a warning label, what would yours say?

Quite a few years ago someone actually made a Facebook post about me that said;

    “Caution hot! Pole not included.” 

Ironically in her knowledge pole dancing was the most scandalous thing I did in my spare time but in spite of this I think the label still applies. 


2. If you were a Sesame Street character, which one would you be?

Definitely Ernie. He wasn’t exactly the smartest one but he was definitely the one who had the best sense of enjoying the simple things in life. 


3. If you could have an endless supply of a candy or baked good, what would you get?

This is a hard one. I am a huge fan of chocolate cake and have been known to say that good chocolate cake can be better than sex. But I also have a weakness for vanilla slice. I don’t actually think that if I had an unlimited supply one one thing that I would like it for very long. Variety is the spice of life. 

4. Who is your favorite villain? Why?

This is a hard one. No one exactly springs to mind. I am not sure if she is exactly a villain but I do like Catwoman, the Michelle Pfieffer version. 


5. Are you more in tune with sunrise, daytime, sunset or nighttime?

Sunrise, definitely. I am a farm girl born and bred and since childhood I have awoken at sunrise. These days I am ‘better’ at sleeping in but there is still a special place in my psyche for sunrise. 

Bonus: If you took a job out of your current career path, what job would your take?

Currently I am in the third year of my current career. I started my first year of being a teacher when I was 41 years old. It was a significant career change that happened after several major events in my life. I am not sure if there is another job that I would really be interested in pursuing. 

TMI Tuesday – Just Some Random Stuff


1. True or False: Falling in love is a serious thing to do? Explain.

The older I get the more I am convinced that that the western idea of love is all fluffy kittens and unrealistic ideas about ‘sparks’ and everlasting fidelity. The reality is very very different. Love, at least the type that makes a marraige that lasts more than 8.7 years (the average length of a marraige according to the Australian Institute of Family Studies) is messy, complicated, gritty and sometimes just plain hard work. Very often fidelity, at least in the traditional sense of the word, is not a part of it.

So to answer the question, yes love is a serious thing. Marraige or committed partnership deals with some very serious stuff, substantial investments like houses and superannuation, the raising of children, facilitating careers, caring for elderly or ill parents and a whole bunch of other serious things. That first attraction, which many people think of as lust, that is not so serious, it can be very easy come, easy go. The trick is to not get the serious business of life, especially that part involving children, mixed up in it.

2. Finish this sentence: I never knew sweat  like this.

So I am 44 years old and apparently my body has decided that it is time to get ready for menopause. Not a sexy thing really. The thing I hate the most, the sweat. When everyone else is complaining that it is getting a bit warm I am starting to resemble a snowman on a sunny day and looking for the nearest fan. Not something that is great when you live in the subtropics and the humidity averages around 70%. Right now in the peak of Australian summer I am seriously in love with my air conditioner.

3. Would you rather swim with sharks that you know have recently bitten people or swallow live worms? Why did you make that choice?

Absolutely give me the sharks every day! Why? Because sharks are cool, in exactly the same way that bow ties are cool. (Yes I did just make a Dr Who Joke) 


There has been an apparent upsurge of shark attacks in Australian waters recently but the reality of most sharks is that they are not really interested in eating us. Like most animals that don’t have hands, sharks bite things sometimes just to find out what they are, just the same way as we often can’t keep our hands of something we are curious about.

 I have a friend who is a SCUBA diver and she adores diving with sharks because they like pats just as much as dogs. The only type of shark that you seriously need to avoid is a bull shark, they are just nasty. If it is a bull shark then I will take the worms. 

4. What is beautiful and most appealing about you?

An interesting question. I would like to think it is my personality and razor sharp wit. Although many people comment on my boobs or my ass. I dunno what do you all think? 

5. What time is it RIGHT NOW? What were you doing before you started to play TMI Tuesday?

Right now it is 9.29am on Tuesday. Just before I sat down to to this I was checking out campsites at a National Park that we are considering visiting during the Easter school holidays. I am a little excited about this trip as we haven’t done much camping or checking out of National Parks for a while. However I am not as excited as I am about the trip we are planning during June when we will be visiting Central Australia including Uluru and Kings Canyon. 

Bonus: Are you a little bit damaged? How so?

Everyone is a little bit damaged but as a good friend of mine once said; “all crayons write the same even when they are broken. “

One Door Closes 


Our relationship with Kurt and Renee was fairly sporadic. They lived in a completely different town from us and visited the “Big Smoke” occasionally. Our nights with them when they were planned were always preceded with great excitement and anticipation. Just prior to starting our “Journey down the Rabbit hole” I had discovered the murky world of Internet chatting and apps on Facebook that hooked up random people interested in some kind of less than platonic relationships. 
I was essentially a stay at home parent during this time meaning I had plenty of time on my hands to spend chatting. Some of that time was spent with Steve and occasionally Kurt. Steve was an enthusiastic participant in online flirting and it was definitely a great ego boost to be told how attractive I was. 

It is a strange thing now that I look back but in those days my standards were relatively relaxed. I was more concerned with being attractive to other people than I was with how attractive they were to me. The idea of being picky and having a bucket list was completely alien to me. I was perfectly happy to experience someone different and be reassured that I was attractive to them. Around that time I sometimes mucked around on Facebook app called ‘Tagged’ which was a bit like the modern day Tinder. As an extension of that I started chatting with some guys on MSN. Most of these guys were people who I would never consider meeting with then or now. Oddly enough most of them never really suggested a face to face meeting. 
Steve had a rostered day off once every fortnight and so I spent a bit of time chatting with him. We talked about a lot of stuff some sexy some more mundane and every day. We became more like friends that got together and fucked. Both Mr Jones and I were not unhappy with this situation. We are not very socially skilled people and our circle of friends is quite small. So any additions are always welcomed. 
Over the course of time we met several more times with Steve and Jenna. It also became apparent that Steve was more enthusiastic about these encounters than Jenna. At that time in her life Jenna was not happy in general. She was very unsatisfied in her job and was struggling with her home life. In short she was exhausted and just didn’t have the energy for swinging. Unlike Steve it was less of a priority for her.
On one occasion we visited them to help them move house. We had arranged to spend the night and as we were heading to bed Steve raised the possibility of a play. Jenna made it very clear that Se was not interested but stopped short of forbidding Steve from participating. Mr Jones and I were not interested in getting involved in one of those messy situations where one partner says everything is fine when it clearly is not and so we made excuses and retreated. 
We met as a foursome a couple of times after that but often it was complicated to organise dates. Steve would be keen and suggest a couple of dates and then when I messaged to confirm them Jenna would act like they hadn’t been planned and they had made other plans. Once this had happened we decided that it was time to move on. Things were finally settled when a date had been planned with both of them and a few days before hand Jenna reneged on the deal stating that she had not agreed in the first place. During the conversation I was given the very strong impression that she felt that Steve was bulldozing her into swinging when all she really wanted to do was hang out at nudist retreats and nude beaches. 
Even now much further into our journey I have yet to visit a nude beach. I know from talking to many swingers both in person and on line that nude beaches can be great places to have some sexy fun but I also know that some nudists are very careful not to advertise this. They want to keep some aspect of respectability to their lifestyle. Nude beaches don’t hold a lot of attraction for me. Nudity on yachts and other outdoor places is ok. Nudity on an isolated beach also ok. Going to specified nude beaches just doesn’t hold an attraction for me. In the case of Jenna and Steve I feel that they were nudists first and dabbled in swinging as an experiment. Jenna enjoyed it for a while but she is predominantly a nudist. The swinging is the icing on the cake. 
After a couple of cancelled dates Steve realised that he needed to get his marriage in order and he and Jenna revisited their roots at some nudist resorts. This seemed to sort stuff out for them but she was still not interested in play. Steve invited us to join them at a nudist resort for the weekend but I explained to him that I was a swinger not a nudist and that was really the end of things for us. Like most things in life it was a great learning experience. So we chalked it up to experience, Mr Jones ticked some things of his sexual fantasy list and we moved on. 

TMI Tuesday – Happy New Year


1. How is your year going?

One word can describe how I am feeling about this year right now, wet! Not the really fun kind of wet, although there was some of that on NYE, right now it is the camping / boating while raining kind of wet when all the towels are wet and everything else is damp and there is nowhere to hang anything to dry. This is relatively unusual for this part of the world but as we were finding a sheltered anchorage in the rain and wind last night I wondered why in the hell would anyone sail as a hobby in a country where this is the norm?

2. Did you go out on NYE or have a New Year’s day celebration?

For the last few years we have had family friendly New Years celebrations. But this year Mr Jones decided that it was time for an adults only New Year’s Eve. We found ourselves at a swingers club which was a lot of fun. There was some very sexy interactions and some massaging going on but no serious play ensued. Mainly due hang ups that some people seem to have. I won’t go into details but there may be a post pending on this topic sometime in the near future. 

3. Ahh yes, those pesky New Year’s Resolutions. How did you do with your 2016 NY resolutions–did you keep them?

For the first three months of the year yes. After that no. All I will say is that they were mostly boring resolutions to do with maintaining vegetable gardens and such like. Really it is not surprising that I didn’t stick to it. 

4. Year 2017, are you carrying over any resolutions from 2016? What?

Well the vegetable garden is still hanging around and thanks to this weather system that has put a dampener on our sailing expedition will be nice and ready for seedlings when we get back but I am not really putting together a resolution around it as such. But really you don’t read this to hear talk of tomatoes and lettuce. 

5. What new experiences are you planning to have or hoping to have in 2017?

At the party that we were attending on NYE the MC was walking around asking random people for their NY resolutions. At the time I was holding a sachet of popping candy and contemplating using it while giving a head job. This is something I have heard of doing but haven’t tried. In one of those sour of the moment things I mad the statement that that I was going to spend 2017 learning 5 new techniques to use while giving head. This morning while discussing this with Mr Jones he asked me to list the techniques I already knew. They included;

  • Using my hand as an extension of my mouth
  • Deep throating, this is something I need to practise as I struggle a bit with larger grey especially if their head is big
  • Sucking firmly on the tip or head of the penis which can be fairly intense
  • Inhaling air around the shaft of the cock during the “upstroke” which makes a cool draft of air. Mr Jones particularly likes this one.
  • Using ice cubes
  • Using mints
  • Sliding my tongue between the foreskin and the head of the cock on men who are uncircumcised. This is to be done with caution as some people are not as clean as others
  • Stimulation of the arse or skin behind the balls while sucking.

This list is not totally complete but after considering it I am thinking adding five new techniques to it may be a bit of a challenge. If any readers have suggestions please fell free to leave them in the comments.

Bonus: Did you see fireworks on New Year’s eve? (Take that anyway you want :-p )

 The entertainment for our adults only evening out included both a male and female stripper. As is the way often the male stripper was mediocre. Some people would call home attractive but he didn’t do it for me. The female stripper on the other hand was AMAZING. One of the very excellent parts of her show was to cover certain parts of her body in shaving foam and set it on fire. I have never really seen this done before but I am kind of inspired to give it a go during a play session. Watch this space for tales of burnt skin. 

The only actual firework I came into contact with was the cracker that some idiot decided to let off in the park next to our house as the sun was coming up on January 1. Not Happy Jan 

As always make sure you check out the TMI page for your weekly overdose of TMI goodness