TMI Tuesday – Life

1. What keeps your life exciting?

Having a million things happening and a lot of interests. I just watched an episode of Big Bang Theory where Penny is envious of how many things Leonard gets excited about. It made me realise that like many things in life there are those who do stuff and those who watch. I am a do-er. If I don’t have something to do I feel a bit lost.

2. What is something you do to embrace your insecurities?

I think I have mentioned my Pole Fitness habit. If anything is going to make you feel insecure prancing around in tiny pants trying to do mind bending things on a vertical piece of brass will do it.

3. Where do you find joy on the internet?

The internet is for porn and misinformation. I would rather be making content than consuming it and I would hate to think I make the kind of content that people consume these days. I do like posting images of my boobs though.

4. There is going to be an exhibition in your honor. What 5 things from your life must go on display? Why those particular pieces?

My boobs, because they are something a like to show off and they are hot

My arse, because it too is hot

My lasagne, because it is legendary

My sewing machine because I spend many hours at it and great things come out of it.

Finally my Coca Cola cake. Because how does one explain the way Coca Cola can make a fudge deliciously moist chocolate cake.

5. I do not want to do _____ . Please do not make me _____ .

I do not want to: Be in the middle of a conflict between two people I am “friends” with

Please don’t make me; be in a social situation where they are both present and I feel like both of them are asking me to choose.

There are days when conversations with my cat are more intelligent than some of the rubbish that comes out of people’s mouths.

TMI Tuesday – Oliver’s Army Edition

These questions were posed to Elvis Costello on the Stephen Colbert show. Random I know but that is TMI Tuesday for you!

1. What is the best sandwich?

Ham and cheese toastie with mustard.

2. Scariest animal?

I live in Australia where everything is out to kill you but the thing that makes me nervous is a bull. Not when there is a fence between us but when there isn’t…..

I grew up with cattle and do have affection for them. This is my favourite breed but Mr Jones thinks they are ugly.

3. Ever asked someone for an autograph?

No. I can’t think of a famous person whose autograph I would keep.

4. Favorite action movie?

Old school but Terminator 2. Something about Sarah Connor in that movie.

5. Fave rom-com?

This isn’t my genre really. “How I Met Your Mother?”

6. Window or aisle?

Window of course. Especially if there is a sunrise or a sunset on offer.

7. Favorite smell?

The ocean. Which doesn’t really have a smell once you get away from the land but that.

8. Least favorite smell?

Body odour. Sometimes it is bearable but a lot of the time it really isn’t

9. Most used app on your phone?

A game called Numberzilla. I am completely addicted.

10. You only get one song to listen to for the rest of your life, what is it?

I don’t really have a song that I couldn’t live without. Or one that springs to mind. When I think about it, if I had only one song to listen to I would probably just not listen to any.

Bonus: Describe the rest of your life in five words.

Retirement when I choose to……

Literally. What retirement looks like? When that retirement will be? Those are the truly difficult questions.

TMI Tuesday- Macaroons not Macarons

Apparently it is macaroon day. Which I am all in favour of. Who doesn’t like a bit of creamy coconut in their life?

1. Have you eaten a macaroon? Did you like it?

It has been a while but I do enjoy macaroons. There is something more satisfying about the texture and the creaminess of the coconut

2. Do you prefer a coconut macaroon or the original almond paste version?

I have never had the almond paste version but I am thinking about looking for a recipe now.

3. Have you made macaroons? Share your recipe if you’d like.

Not for a while. I don’t have a go-to recipe.

4. To jazz up a basic macaroon–egg whites, sugar, and coconut–which of the following will you add?
a. chocolate
b. fresh fruit or fruit preserved
c. candy
d. cinnamon

For a simple addition I would go with dipping in chocolate. However in Australia there is this thing called Jam Slice that takes the egg white / sugar / coconut combination to a whole new level. If you want to have the full experience see the recipe below

5. Would you rather eat a macaroon or macaron?  

For the cost and effort involved in making them I find macarons a bit of a let down.

Bonus: Jam Slice Recipie

• 1 dessertspoon margarine or butter
• 2 cups self-raising flour
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 2 eggs separated
• plum jam for spreading (you can use any flavour of jam you like but I prefer ones that don’t have seeds in them)
• 1/2 – 1 cup of desiccated coconut
• 1 dessertspoon of sugar

1. Grease and flour a tray about 20 – 30cm
2. Rub margarine into flour until it resembles bread crumbs
3. Add sugar, egg yolks and a little milk to make the dough
4. Spread the dough over the tray and press into the corners
5. Spread the jam thickly over the dough
6. Beat the egg whites until soft peaks are forming.
7. Mix in sugar and coconut and spread to cover the jam
8. Bake in 180oC oven until the dough is cooked and the top is golden brown

I hope you enjoy this little gem of Australian morning tea goodness.

Today’s Word – Wet

If you live on the Eastern Seaboard of Australia you will be like me and have just lived through one of the wettest summers in memory. Large parts of our part of the world were flooded multiple times in the last few months. Just when we thought it was over and winter was here with some dry weather it started again. Not as much rain this time but then again it wasn’t really necessary. The ground is still wet from last time.

Yesterday it kind of stopped. We could see blue sky albeit briefly and the heaviest rain was kind of a drizzle. When we ventured to the park to stretch our legs water was literally pouring out of the ground down pathways. A weird thing happened in our house. The floors were wet. Like it was raining inside, even though our roof was fully intact. The go to solution for everyone was to blame humidity but a bit of research and I discovered that the dew point yesterday was 21 degrees (centigrade) meaning that during the day the air was wet enough and cool enough for condensation to form. And tada, dew inside!!

Hopefully, your Monday is a little dryer than mine.

Shadows of the Past

Photo by Foad Roshan on Unsplash

In my last two Thirty Dirty Questions Posts I have talked a little about my repressed upbringing and the long term effects that had on how I felt about my sexuality, my body and myself in general. What I hadn’t realised until a few days ago was that something else that has been bothering me is also linked to this ingrained guilt.

For the last little while I have been extremely self conscious about my “number”. When I think about the number of people I have fucked it makes me feel a number of negative things. Things like shame and guilt. Whenever people ask me how long I have been in the lifestyle this shame surfaces and I am reluctant to share an accurate figure or divulge exactly how active I have been. Which many people in my world think is a little odd. Most other women like myself have a similar number. Those I meet who are just starting out are often admiring of the way I have embraced my sexuality and feel so comfortable talking about what I do and don’t want.

A few days ago I was chatting at a gathering with a woman who has a similar longevity in the swing scene as myself. I didn’t ask about her number. I doubt that she really counted and she is definitely not concerned about it. What I realised during the course of the conversation is that this weirdness about my number was linked to the whole Catholic guilt thing. Strange how things from your past that you thought you had left behind can reach their long fingers into your present and push your buttons all over again.

Now that I have had that realisation I am better equipped to deal with it I guess. Although like all things in your head dealing with it is not just a case of telling it to go away. At least it is a step in the right direction.

TMI Tuesday – Spring is Not Sprung

Photo by Jeremy Bezanger on Unsplash

1. The month of April is named for Greek goddess Aphrodite. She is associated with lust, love, pleasure, and passion. Which one of those states of being do you hope to experience this month? Which of them is most likely to happen?

Mr Jones and I are planning a short, five day, sailing adventure (not quite the right word but it sounds good) from around 8 to 13 April. For the first part it will be just the two of us. For the last few days we will be joined by a friend. So there will hopefully be some sunbathing and relaxing – pleasure. Some couple time – love. Some threesome time – lust and passion. All of the stuff!

2. Diamond is the birthstone for the month of April.  Have you ever given or received a diamond? Under what circumstances?

I have a diamond engagement ring although it is not a particularly expensive one. Mr Jones did buy me a much more valuable diamond to mark the first occasion of me being able to get his whole fully erect cock into my mouth. Not an easy feat.

3. Did you play an April Fools joke this year? What was it?

No I did not. At my place of work things on 1 April were slightly crazy and I guess it wasn’t on anyone’s radar.

4. April 22, 2022 is Earth Day. Around the world, all sorts of events will take place to celebrate and invest in our planet. What sort of thing might you do for the earth on Earth Day?

There are a few things that we do regularly in our house as a matter of course. The Unicorn and myself both drive hybrid cars which use much less petrol. We recycle and repurpose as much as possible and we have a strictly “nude food” policy when it comes to lunches that are taken to school or work. However there are always more things to do. I guess this is as good a prompt as any to think up something else.

Bonus: What odd or strange thing do you keep in your home?

This is a hard one to answer. Of course if I am keeping it I don’t necessarily think it is odd. Other people may think differently though.

After consulting with Mr Jones we have decided that the cane toads in the freezer are probably the strangest thing. Even for a native of Queensland where removal of cane toads from the environment is considered a public service the normal methods of killing them are much less humane than putting them to sleep in the freezer.

However in the last four years we have despatched thousands of these introduced pests in this way. I hope we are making a difference.

It’s Not Goodbye It is See You Later

Photo by Dim Hou on Unsplash

Sometime in 2020 Mr Jones replied to a post in a social “Lifestyle” group about a weekend long house party. At the time we had retreated from quite a few friendships that we had made in the swing scene and I was in the process of pushing us back into the world of socialising. We met a few people on that weekend. Mr and Mrs Bubble, our hosts for the weekend have been a feature of our lives since then.

But they were not the only people we met. There were two other couples one of whom we did not stay in touch with. I was definitely interested but the Mrs of the pairing was not sure about the whole swinging thing and while the Mr was very keen I wasn’t about to get into a situation that involved deceit or coercion.

The third couple we have kept in contact with. I am not going to lie, the friendship has been a slow burn. The first night we met there was much drinking. They are both heavy smokers and I made a statement about not being interested in playing with a smoker. It may or may not have been delivered in a less than tactful way. I am socially awkward at the best of times drunk I am less reserved but my filter is completely removed. What comes out is what comes out. So we didn’t get off to the best start. For the longest time I wasn’t sure if THEY liked US. And so I didn’t push it.

0ver time we found ourselves hanging out with these people more and more. Mr and Mrs Bubble are the glitzy champagne set type. There is this allure about them that makes everyone want to be their friend. Their circle is filled with the drama and gossip that goes along with social climbing. These guys are salt of the earth people. They do what they do and they say what they say. Mr takes the opportunity to remind me about the smoking statement frequently because he is a shit stirrer and he enjoys seeing me squirm. But I believe there is no malice in the statement. There was also an unfortunate incident that involved a misplaced spank. Again alcohol and no filter. Again he reminds me of it frequently and every time I feel a twinge of embarrassment.

Something I wasn’t entirely aware of was that Mrs is a regular reader. She recently informed me that one of my stories made her so horny that she held Mr down and fucked the life out of him after she read it. Something I find incredibly flattering. I was challenged by Mrs about not having a “blog identity”. Like Mr and Mrs Bubble. Fair comment. People like to read about themselves. I guess it makes them feel as if they have made a mark in your life. As I said this relationship has been a slow burn but I hope it will be one that endures. As a result of the challenge I have been wracking my brain for a couple of weeks trying to think of an appropriate name. Usually the names come easily. This one for some reason isn’t but then it appeared. Not sure if they will like it but hello Mr and Mrs Crazy Arse. Thank you for being part of our lives!

Thank you for giving us perspective in the crazy social world that revolves around the Bubbles and the events we find ourselves at.

Now that you have been introduced I am sad to say you are moving away and will be further away from us. Hopefully we will still be able to see each other and catch up.

It’s the Simple Things

1. Tell us your top two simple pleasures.

A really hot shower and sunbathing naked.

2. You are being a offered a day of pleasure but you must choose one of the following to do. Which would you choose?
a. Sex
b. Watching big sports match/game
c. Fun times with good friends

Being part of the swinging lifestyle means that often a. and c. can be combined. Of course I can combine all three if that is what I wanted but sports just don’t interest me. Unless you count watersports.

3. The sun shining through your window in the morning–annoyance or pleasure?

Pleasure. Unless it is right in my eye.

4. If you uttered the words “pleasure me” to your lover, what would you want to happen?

His face buried in my cunt. Or my ass.

5. Tell us one thing you were most grateful for last week?

Many things really. But having decent weather when we went sailing was a big plus.

Bonus: What is the last thing you crossed of your bucket list?

I don’t really have a bucket list.

It’s TMI Time!

1. Under what circumstances would you fake your own kidnapping?

I think this would be an excellent way to avoid a family gathering organised by my mother. They ALWAYS suck balls and not the fun kind of suck balls.

2. Do you feel you belong?

No. I haven’t found my “Tribe” as such. There are people in my world who know most sides of me, teaching, pole dance, swinging, blogging but most of them are not entirely comfortable with everything in my life. There is always something that someone doesn’t get.

3. In your life, what is a fun thing you did that you will never do again?

Nothing springs to mind. There are many fun things I have done and I fully intend to do all of them again sometime.

4. Do you listen to your inner voice?

Too much. The constant negative, inner narrative has far too much influence over my thoughts and feelings.

5. What can you hear?

Right now it is early morning. I can hear birds outside. The manic happiness of rainbow lorikeets. And the not so dulcet tones of my own Lori who has breakfast with me every day.

Bonus: Do you know yourself?

Mostly I think so. But I tend to avoid truths about myself.

TMI Tuesday – The Late Edition

1. Covid dating behavior:

– Are you choosier?

– Are you less choosey?

– Are you more frank and up front about what you want?

I feel that I am more frank about what I want with a lot of things these days. I am not sure if it is really a result of Covid. More about spending six months at sea living a pure, uncluttered life.

2. What is stable in your life? Answer Yes or No as in “yes, this is stable” or “no this is not stable”. Elaborate if you wish.

– Job

Yes for the most part. I did start a new job this year and I am technically on probation until about July so it is as stable as it can be

– Finances

Mr Jones is very clever with money. In addition we live a fairly simple life. While we may not be very wealthy we are comfortable and I feel that we will be secure for a long time.

– Romantic relationship

Definitely

– Economy of your country

I believe we are on the brink of a repeat of “The Recession we had to Have“

– Mental health

At the end of a black dog day I can’t say that this is entirely stable or always positive.

– Physical health

Right now I feel as if my body is very unreliable. The list of things that seem to be wrong gets longer every day.

3. Have you lived in a different country than the one you were born? Did you have to learn the language?

No I am just a boring white girl with no culture who can only speak English

4. Can you speak any other languages?

One of the verses in the Men at Work song; “A Land Down Under” goes like this.

Buying bread from a man in Brussels, He was six foot four and full of muscles, I said “do you speak-a my language”, He just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich.

Says it all really.

5. How do you manage your fears?

For the most part it is about facing them with a lot of positive self talk. If that fails just avoid situations that might be a problem.

Bonus: What would you pick to add to your coffee, Baileys, Amaretto, or Whisky/Whiskey?

Coffee is the work of the devil. No matter how you package it the stuff is just vile. So I will have my Baileys straight or with a bit of milk thanks. On a side note the flavoured Baileys are pretty good. Personal favourite has been Red Velvet.