Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 11

Would you ever visit a sex therapist? What would be the reason and what do you think their advice would be for you?

The short answer to this question is no. Even though I was diagnosed with depression by a General Practitioner and take medication for it I am quite reluctant to visit a therapist to discuss this condition. I can’t really define the reasons for this but I guess they are part of being in this mental state. I have started journaling both about my life as it is and my sexual life. They really are hand in hand so that is as it should be really. That is as close as I am going to get to a therapist for now. It is helping me to see things a little more clearly but as time goes by my dedication to journaling every day is slipping so the benefits are waning a little

So why would I visit a sex therapist? I think I would maybe visit one if I was in a poly relationship and there were issues. That isn’t really a sex therapist but that is the only sexual reason I would visit a therapist that I can identify. I have a friend who worked as a therapist for people in ‘alternative’ relationships. She is completely amazing and someone I hope I can spend more time with, in the future. I think she is the most likely person I would visit for therapy.

What would she tell me? Love yourself. Know your own value and don’t get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you as you are.

Oh wait

I gave that advice out earlier this week to a young woman who go into a bad situation.

Maybe I am a therapist

TMI Tuesday – A Wet Afternoon

It is a wet and windy afternoon here in cruising yacht paradise and not the fun kind of wet. It has been four days since I set foot on land and about six since I had an in-person conversation with someone other than Mr Jones. Cabin fever may have some influence on my answers.

1. What’s the most stressful thing in your life right now

Apart from the aforementioned weather the announcement today that our delightful premier has announced a three day lockdown for the city that we are planning to visit in three days. Fingers crossed that it doesn’t get extended. Fingers also crossed that our friend who is meeting us there is able to travel from his city which is also part of the lockdown.

2. True or False. The best way to get over an ex is to get under someone new.

You know it has been so long since I have had an ex as such that I really don’t know. Getting under someone new is always fun though.

3. Is rebound sex empowering or does it leave you feeling lonelier?

Sex for the benefit of someone other than yourself is never going to end well. Whether it is to make the person you are having sex with happy or to make another person jealous it is never going to end well. The only way sex is empowering is if you are doing it for yourself on your terms.

4. Would you rather watch porn every night forever or never watch porn again?

One of my Thirty Dirty Questions discussed my thoughts on porn. You can read about it here. Personally having to watch porn every night forever sounds like torture. I am pretty sure I wouldn’t miss it if I never saw it again.

5. Would you rather go to bed alone forever or share a bed with someone forever?

Well I am married to Mr Jones. He has this thing about wanting to share a bed with me because he thinks it is part of being married. So I guess I am stuck with sharing a bed.

Bonus: You must pick one and explain. Would you rather your mom or your ex set up and run your dating apps?

Anyone except my mother. The further my mother is away from my sex life the better. Really the further she is away from most of my life the better.

TMI Tuesday – Just Wondering

1.What food did you eat so much of that you now hate it?

For many years I enjoyed Papaya or Paw Paw as we call it in Australia. I liked the yellow variety but was very happy when I could get the red ones. The rest of my family hated even the smell of them. Recently, every time I eat one, I feel unwell for the rest of the day. It is irritating because I really liked it and I felt it was a healthy eating choice but the thought of eating it now makes me feel queasy.

Papaya

2.What two films would you like to combine into one?

I was in a bit of a shit stirring mood yesterday and it seems to have spilled into this morning. I think they should end the confusion and just combine Star Trek and Star Wars. I mean the only people who know the difference are the purists right? The rest of us get them confused all the time.

New Star Trek Star Wars Meme Memes | Imgflip Memes, Crossover Memes, Reddit  Memes

3.What songs do you feel compelled to sing along with when you hear them even if you do not know the words?

So many!! American Pie, Boys of Summer are my ones from yesterday. I can’t think of other titles right now.

4.What is the weirdest place you have ever slept?

I was on a sailing trip with Mr Jones a few years ago and he was snoring terribly! I have enough trouble sleeping and dealing with a snorer was too much! In the middle of the night, I decided to sleep in the other cabin, the one where we had dumped a whole lot of outdoor covers and cushions that had gotten wet by rain that had happened that day. I spent the rest of the night sleeping blissfully in a burrow I made in the cushions!

5.Who is the weirdest person you have ever slept with, and why do you say this?

A while back I met a man who was by anyone’s definition weird. We were platonic friends for several months until an insanely jealous girlfriend ended it. I don’t think I EVER saw him with shoes on and he was definitely left of centre. He never really talked about it but mental health issues were very much a part of his life making him the kind of person that made others around him a little nervous.

The original intent of our meeting was for sex and we did explore that avenue, but it didn’t really go the way I would have liked, and I couldn’t really see him as a sexual partner after that. So, we remained friends. I kind of miss him. He definitely made life interesting.

Bonus: What do you think you do better than 90% of people.

This one should not be a surprise to regular readers. Sucking cock. I don’t care what any male says about women all saying that. I am good. I know it. I can name several men, not including Mr Jones, who will attest.

TMI Tuesday – Life Questions

1 Who do you prefer to discuss politics with?

a) your partner, b) your best friend, c) co-workers, d) strangers, e) parents

Mr Jones has views about certain political issues which he likes to air to anyone who will listen. The kids and I have heard his ideas enough to know that arguing or trying to change the subject is impossible. On the whole though I am not particularly concerned about politics enough to talk about it with anyone at great length.

2. Which is more offensive to you: book burning or flag burning? Why?

I had a conversation about flags once that made me think about our disregard for them. During the conversation he explained how wearing the flag in clothing such as swimwear (which happens a lot in Australia) is not patriotic but disrespectful to the flag and the country because you are in effect sitting on your country’s national symbol! His words and his passion made me think twice about flags so I am going with flag. Unless you are talking about truly rare and deserving books.

3 Complete the sentence. Most of all I want to meet someone who deserves my ______:

a)trust, b)loyalty, c) admiration, d) love

I think I have people that fit each of those in different ways in all parts of my life. Mostly at the moment I am looking for someone who deserves the right to worship my pussy.

4. Which kind of fidelity (being faithful) is more important to you?

a) physical / sexual, b) mental / emotional, c) neither is important, d) both are equally important.

For Mr Jones and myself fidelity is linked closely with honesty. There must be complete disclosure about all things at all times. There is no judgement about WHAT is disclosed. Judgement comes when the disclosure is not made. I can’t really fit this with any of the options but b) is the closest because of the disclosure.

5. Would you avoid all contact with an ex if your current significant other asked you to?

a) yes of course!, b) No. This would be an unacceptable demand. c) Only if their justification seems reasonable.

I have been married to Mr Jones for 21 years. Any exes have faded into the past. Generally any lovers that I have also have faded as lovers once the sexy times end. There are one or two exceptions but these people are no longer lovers just friends so I am not sure where they sit. However he has the power to veto any person I see sexually and I would comply because my marriage is the most important partnership in my life. So if he asked I would say yes.

Bonus: If you were to die, the person going through your belongings would be shocked to find.

Probably the contents of my laptop. Maybe. It is unlikely that either of my children would be brave enough to poke through that. Mr Jones has read most of it and seen most of the images. Any of my other relatives (parents etc) would definitely find the things I write about confronting.

This post is part of TMI Tuesday for this week. If you enjoyed my revelations feel free to click on the image below and see who else is confessing.

TMI Tuesday – Should We?

This weeks TMI will involve a few terms that can be mis-interpreted or possibly unfamiliar. This article will give some background to these terms.

  1. Agree or Disagree – If people want to have more than one spouse they should be allowed to do that.

In theory yes. There are many positives about a situation where there are multiple spouses. However in cultures where multiple spouses are allowed (usually a man with multiple spouses) the practice can be less than desirable. Often the result of the man rich enough to support multiple spouses exercising his rights can restrict the rights of other people in his community.

2. Do you believe in ethical non-monogamy?

Yes, obviously. That lifestyle choice is what spawned this whole blog.

3. Is polyamory something you want?

Sometimes I think yes. Other times I think no. Similar to my answer to question 1. the theory sounds good and there are examples of polyamory kicking around that show it is possible and sometimes an awesome way to live. The realities of polyamory can sometimes be quite different. If you think about the amount of effort that goes in to keeping one relationship running smoothly then think about how much effort will go into maintaining two or three intertwined relationships simultaneously. The effort does not increase evenly as each person is added, it expands exponentially.

Yes I am a Mathematics teacher. Graphs make a bunch of sense to me!

4. Do you wish that your ethical non-monogamy was a societal / cultural norm?

Yes. It would make my life much, much simpler. I do feel that there is a gradual shift towards acceptance of this kind of lifestyle but, like the acceptance of same sex marriage, the progress in infinitesimally slow. The internet has allowed people to read about and become educated about a lot of sub – cultures which is helping with this acceptance.

5. If you are in or have been in an open sexual relationship, what are the best bits?

The freedom. In my relationship I am free to pursue things that are not always available to a 48 year old married mother of two. I am free to explore sexual antics and have adventures without fear of damage to my relationship with my husband. A note of caution however. Open relationships do not mean open slather. This is where the ethical part comes in.

Bonus: Describe what your ideal intimate and / or sexual relationship would look like today.

I SUCK at outlining exactly what I want. I can’t think what would be different from what I currently have in my ideal situation.

Bonus Bonus: Now that I am on holidays I really should play with my selfie stick and perhaps work out the timer thingy. But here are some shots I took last Saturday when I had my fancy undies on.

This post is part of this week’s TMI Tuesday. For more TMI goodness click the image below.

Saturday Sex Interview – Favourites

This is the third in a series of “Sex Interviews” based on questions posted by a fellow blogger who has taken a hiatus for a while.

Question 1: Describe the physical characteristics you prefer. No lover is likely to be perfect, but describe your ideal lover’s body:

• Body (height / build / skin tone / hair & eye color / other): Tall, broad, strong, bald, hairy is OK I don’t have a preference for skin tone. I love a man who is strong and able to manhandle me.

• Genitalia (sizes / characteristics / grooming / other): A cock has to be in proportion. I am not a size queen but I like my mouth to be very full. He has to hit my gag point when I take him into my mouth. As long as it is clean I am not worried about hair but I am sensitive to smell and sometimes guys; pubic hair can be funky.

Question 2: Favorite position:

This is going to sound boring I know but I like to ride a guy. Sitting up and looking into his face while I pleasure him is amazing. I know all you dirty fuckers thought I was going to say some weird erotic thing like “reverse cowgirl with a twist”

One position I would like to try is pegging a guy while looking into his face.

Question 3: Favorite music to make love two? (list up to 3)

Honestly I don’t play music while fucking. I just never have. Not sure why it just isn’t something that I do. Sometimes when I visit a lover he puts on some kind of background music but it is usually inconsequential.

When I was seeing The Colombian he was living in a kind of boarding house for young people who had come to Australia as students or backpackers. He used to play this Colombian heavy metal kind of stuff. I couldn’t understand the lyrics and had never heard the music before. Sometimes it was kind of annoying but I am sure the reason he played it was to drown out the sound of what we were doing.

Question 4: Do you prefer lights on or off and why?

I like some light. I like to see what I am doing mostly. Glaring fluorescents are not the way to go but some good mood lighting is optimal. That way I can see his body and his face. I like to see the reaction on his face to what I am doing.

Question 5: What is your favorite location to have sex? (bed, chair, couch, floor, shower, car, porch, pool, Jacuzzi, rooftop, etc.) Feel free to list top two if you can’t decide.

Bed is always good. But of course it is a given.

I am also a fan of the great outdoors. Mr Jones and I have had some great sexual encounters on beaches and on park benches.

Question 6: What if you favorite place on your body to be touched other than your genitals?

I like to have my stomach stroked. It is guaranteed to get things happening if I am not quite in the mood. I am also a fan of my hair being pulled gently at first but harder as things warm up.

Question 7: Do you prefer that a lover make a lot of noise or that they are silent? (or describe what sounds you prefer they make)

Sex sounds are a strange thing. Out of context they can be a little disturbing. The same as sex faces really. Different sounds can sometimes take a bit of getting used to but I definitely prefer some noise.

I am noisy, (the reason for the weird Colombian heavy metal). But I also get really turned on by the sound of a man cumming. When JB came in my mouth for the first time I recorded it for him as a memory, it was the first time he ever came in anyone’s mouth. I still have that recording, not for the visual but for the sound of him cumming. I have listened to that soundtrack a ridiculous number of times. It never fails to get me going.

Question 8: What time of day do you prefer?

I am a morning girl. I most definitely like to wake up with sex. Mr Jones is more of an evening kind of guy. Which means a lot of compromise has to happen.

Question 9: Do you prefer it hard or gentle? (granted this may change depending on your mood, but which do you more often prefer?)

It is a hard decision for me. Johnny is the gentle type and he is sexy as fuck. I feel that he could flip easily but he refuses to. Maybe that is what gives him that edge. He is gentle and respectful but I can feel his power and it really gets me going.

Question 10: How often would you prefer to have sex?

Over our marriage frequency of sex has been a dominating topic. Early in our marriage in the thick of babies, toddlers, night feeds and juggling motherhood and career, sex was not a priority for me. Mr Jones felt rejected and I felt pressured to up my game. We had many conversations about how long it had been since we had sex, how good the sex was and he often questioned if I really wanted him.

These days the shoe is on the other foot. I would like to say I have made my peace with it but I am not there yet. I worked hard during those early years to not go down the path I saw my mother on. Prudish and “lights off, once a year on your birthday, missionary position” sex. I don’t want to be that wife who always has a headache. I also don’t want to be that wife who complains to her friends that her husband isn’t interested in sex. Right now I could easily become the second.

I think I could fill pages and pages with my twisted mind stuff on this topic. To answer the question though… One good session once per week would be good for me.

You Cant Always Have What You Want…

This week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt was “Out of Character”. I struggled to write something. Every idea seemed to sound dumb when I started writing. Then out of the blue this fell onto the screen. I hope you enjoy. Please make sure you visit the Wicked Wednesday site to read some other much more inciteful writing.

Life has a funny way of twisting things around on you. If I am asked about my ideal play mate I will respond as follows;

Taller than me, strong, mentally and physically, charming and a sense of humour. Above average penis size and one that takes the lead when playing.

I spend a lot of my life being the go to person. The one with all the answers. When I play I just want to be spoiled. I don’t consider it too much to ask. The universe disagrees with me.

Over the last six months I have been actively looking for a regular play friend. I don’t want a boyfriend or a romantic connection. I just want a fwb. It has been an interesting and often frustrating path. I use a swinger dating website. For simplicity I have chosen a single site. I don’t want to go into the ins and outs of my searching but I know I am not using the most efficient way so I can’t complain.

Getting back to the point of this ramble. What has fallen out of this search has been a man who is moderately charming, slightly taller than me with a decent sized penis and who is reasonably intelligent. Lots of boxes ticked.

At our initial meet we discussed who would be in charge. Or rather he expressed a desire to be controlled. I didn’t pick up the cue properly and gave my response about not wanting to be in a situation where I am making all the decisions. I liked this guy, he was kind of intense but I did sense that he was holding something back. Kind of waiting to see how things played out before he showed his hand. We ended that first drink meet in the back seat of a car in the carpark of the pub having short, sharp sex. It was fast and hot.

Our second meet was not ideal. My husband and I own a commercial building that is currently empty so we have set up a play space in one section. Not the perfect place but definitely cheaper than a hotel. We met there. He was on his way home from work on a Friday. In my mind it was going to be a long hot, heavy session. Again he stated he was at my disposal but I resisted and did not give specific instructions about what I wanted. For me the day had been long and emotionally arduous. I wanted someone to spoil me and give me an hour or two of sexual pleasure. I didn’t want to give detailed instructions. I also expected a guy who could either recover quickly or control himself to ensure he lasted.

I was very disappointed.

There was a time when I would have kicked him to the kerb. This kind of thing is not ok. For some reason the light slowly began to dawn in my thick brain. I realised that while he had been a little selfish I was also being a bit unfair. He said he was at my disposal, and like a stupid woman I didn’t make my desires clear. I should have asked for a massage and a good licking before sitting astride him. In the course of the follow up conversation he made a revelation. He is interested in being caged.

For play time only I think.

?

The reason for that initial feeling came forward. This guy has a kink or two. I am not particularly kinky. I have thought about CFNM stuff in my past. I have read about caging and it kind of turns me on. I don’t want to be the woman who makes a man wear a cage for weeks, or days on end. But when he is playing? Maybe.

If you had told me before I met Pet that I would be turned on by anally fisting a man I would have laughed in your face. But I did it and I was. Pet had to push me to be a weird kind of dominant to his very strong personality but we both got a lot out of it. Was it him “topping from the bottom” or me dominating him? I don’t know. I don’t care. I don’t really count myself as a true practitioner of BDSM. I just use their props and toys for my pleasure.

So it seems The IT guy, he has a blog name now, will become the next person in my journey who pushes me to express my wants and desires more clearly. While it may be hard and not what I thought I wanted it may well be something I need.

Flashback TMI Tuesday

This week’s TMI questions are a flashback from August 2011. Back then I had been posting on Erotic Adventures for less than a year. I hadn’t discovered the goodness of TMI Tuesday. In the interest of the flashback I thought I would share a post from back then from when in my naivety I discovered the concept of a Fucket list. Reading this post I can’t help but think how wide eyed and innocent I was back then.

And so on with the questions;

1. You have been separated from your significant other for six months. An attractive, attentive neighbor has paid you flattering attention. It is obvious he/she wishes to take the relationship further. Do you:
a. Dismiss him/her, you’re in a committed relationship.
b. Continue to flirt, but go no further.
c. Fantasize about him/her, but take care of your sexual needs solo.
d. Let the affair become physical.

So given that I have sexual relationships with other attractive people with the full knowledge and consent of my husband I am thinking the answer would very firmly be (d). Having said that I definitely don’t have any attractive neighbours. So I can’t ever seeing this being an issue.

2. A male co-worker whom you have heard is great in bed and very well endowed has been flirting with you a lot. He obviously wishes to start a relationship. Do you:
(This question is for women AND men).
a. Make it clear to him you’re not interested.
b. Flirt with him but go no further
c. Mentally undress him and wonder what he’d be like in bed.
d. Let the relationship become sexual.

Interestingly I was informed by a co-worker once that he has a PHD (pretty huge dick). This particular guy is my work child. I am old enough to be his mother and I act like his mother. So despite his attractiveness I am left with (c) because there ain’t no flirting there. He is fairly open about his sexual exploits and despite an admirable volume they are all pretty vanilla. So he can keep his PHD to himself.

3. Your significant other is impotent most of the time, showing little interest in you and little interest in being sexual. Do you:
a. Resign yourself to no sex.
b. Satisfy your needs with masturbation
c. Find someone who can satisfy you sexually but remain with your significant other
d. Leave him or her

So the answer to this is kind of the same as the first one. Mr Jones is definitely not impotent but his interest in sex is less than it used to be. As I have been pretty open about I am actively engaged in sex with other people. As long as it doesn’t really interfere with my marriage.

4. The last time you and your mate had sex, were you:
a. Concentrating mostly on him/her, and you didn’t even orgasm
b. Thinking about your pleasure and theirs.
c. Concentrating mainly on your own pleasure.
d. Used his/her body as a tool to reach your own orgasm.

So I had an experience last week that was very unsatisfactory. I met a new play friend for the second time. At this point in time I was not entirely sure of a lot of things. Things like, how long he was able to hang with me before he was expected to head home, how long he was able to fuck before cumming, and recovery time. All things I should have a better idea of really.

Things did not go according to my plan. So I found myself heading home after just under an hour. I was very unhappy about this turn of events but looking back I should have been a bit more switched on and paced myself. My headspace is not that great at the moment which was probably a contributing factor. When I got home there wasn’t the usual re-union sexual experience and I went to sleep annoyed and unsatisfied. I found myself awake in the middle of the night rectifying the situation in a serviceable but not really satisfying way.

5. What kind of partner do you prefer while making love or having sex?
a. Tender, loving, slow and sweeet
b. I don’t care, just do me; it’s been a while
c. Tough, take-charge, I like it a little rough
d. Any lovin’ is good lovin’

My personal preference is for (c). When I have the chance to relax and be in a safe space I like to fuck and I like to fuck a lot. I really like to be seduced and taken.

Bonus: There is no official bonus this week but In the spirit of Nero of Nero Speaks I am adding my own bonus image from my camera roll. Because it is my blog and I can. So in the spirit of the flashback

This is an image taken quite a while ago during an experience of being a dessert on a bar in a swingers club. I was definitely an experience worth remembering.

And so if you enjoyed this bout of sharing head on over to TMI Tuesday and read some other interesting revelations

Saturday Morning

I have some very hard and fast rules about work life balance that some people might find a bit weird but I have found essential for maintaining my sanity. Of late I have not entirely followed them and as expected my sanity has suffered.

One of them is spending Saturday morning in bed as pictured. Bumming about on my iPad. This time is spent reading blogs, browsing social media, playing pointless games and sometimes writing rubbish to post here. I guess you got lucky today.

Part of my activities this morning was a check on a swinger dating website I use. I received a message from someone who actually looked interesting. But when I came to reply I had nothing in the tank in the way of enthusiasm to reply with.

What I wanted to say was; “You look amazing, let’s get a coffee and if you look as amazing in person we can spend the afternoon fucking.”

But of course life got in the way. I already have a coffee date lined up with someone tomorrow. Not convinced about this one but going with it. And then I have THE LIST. My to do list left over from school holidays that finished two weeks ago. I still have one item left, a uni assignment that is due in just over a week. Grrrrrr why is life so messy.

Maybe I can just write 2700 words of erotica and hand that in, I am sure the assignment marker will enjoy it. More than I enjoy some of the rubbish my students dish up for me.

Goals

Last week Rebel has made the prompt for Wicked Wednesday Goals. You can read her post about the prompt here Despite my best laid plans I didn’t manage to get a post completed on time but I still wanted to share it.

One of the things that a lot of people in my sexual world seem to talk about is the eternal “Fucket List” – the sexual version of the Bucket List. It is a pretty standard conversation starter when sussing out a new or potential partner. There is nothing better than meeting someone you find attractive who has something on their Fucket List that matches an item on yours.

Often however when I am asked what I have on my Fucket List I find myself at a bit of a loss to come up with something interesting. I have engaged in some pretty interesting sexual exploits in the last five or so years, many of them involving sex or sex acts in public places or places where the risk of being spotted doing something highly inappropriate make the experience even more stimulating. However the bulk of these antics were not planned or pre-conceived. Mostly they were the result of acting on a spur of the moment impulse with a better than expected outcome. So when asked what I have on my Fucket list I often come up empty handed. Unless of course I happen to be in a department store, movie theatre, moving vehicle, or a boardroom where the possibilities just scream from the rafters. I sometimes come up with ideas based on literature that I have been reading recently but sadly my life does not allow for too much time to do that sort of thing at the moment.

On top of all of this I seem to have the sexual attention span of a goldfish. Something I find highly desirable today slips off the radar tomorrow. There are a few fantasies that do have endurance though and so I will list them here. Hold on to your hats; this is the first time I have ever put a list on the record!!

1. It is a long held fantasy to be at a club or a party and to be sitting either on a couch or in the floor against the wall and to be giving head to a series of men. I don’t have control over who the men are. Mr Jones possibly is controlling them and their access to me but I essentially don’t have control. I am just sucking as much cock as is offered to me.

IMG_0386
Something about a surface like this just seems to get me going

2. Another relatively long held fantasy is to have sex on a boardroom table in the boardroom of a relatively large swanky company. My partner doesn’t necessarily have to be the CEO. It is a little bit cliche but I like the element of danger or possibility of being discovered.

3. This one popped in to my head more recently but it is something that Mr Jones and I have discussed off and on and that is to visit a lifestyle resort similar to Desire or Hedonism. There are some places in Australia that are swinger friendly but nothing on the scale of these places. Another variation of this idea is to go on a lifestyle cruise but again there are none of these in Australia so this is more of a long term goal.

4. Mr Jones and myself like to go on regular cruises and every time we do we discuss (in a very pie in the sky way) the possibility of picking up a couple and having a fling. This is more of a nice idea than something we could actually do but if you never ask then you can never have.

And so that is the first ever and maybe the only ever recorded version of Gemma Jones’ Fucket List. Probably the closest thing I have to a sexual goal.